Joe took Anthony's hand without hesitation and found his footing again, looking at where he had nearly jumped and trying to tense his legs so he couldn't let himself fall again. "Listen to you? I suppose so. I reckon you know what I should do more than I know." Joe laughed weakly and kept holding onto Anthony's so he didn't do anything stupid.
"Is the sea nice?" Of course, Joe had been before. He went often with his family and they had been on a class trip to the seaside once. The memories were so torn up, they felt like dreams and he couldn't trust for a second that they were real. "There's a picture of the sea in the waiting room before you see the doctor. It's really pretty."
"I dunno. I haven't really been. But I reckon it ought to be pretty." Joe had always talked about it as if it was really nice, mostly when trying to convince him of the advantages of a cottage. Cottage, muggle world, far away from all the troubles they didn't want to get involved in. "We can have a look see. Maybe we'll like it a lot. It's certainly less busy than a city. And more beautiful than the hospital."
Not exactly a tall order, that. He pulled Joe with him to sit on the bench. He got his wand out and used a quick spell to make them both a little warmer. There was a chill in the air. "We'll find out together. And make new memories."
"Oh. You do magic." Joe's eyes lit up and he leaned in close to look at the wand before he pointed at it with almost childish excitement. "I had one like that! At school! I mean, I used to. They took it away from me, I'm not safe enough to have it but I want to have it back one day." He really missed magic.
"I knew a muggle, in the hospital, he was teaching me muggle magic." And yes, he looked adoring over such a concept. "It's all with the slight of hand, you see. It's like a trick! Of course, it's all rather silly but it's quite good fun."
"Yeah? Sounds brilliant." Sounded ludicrous, but there was a spark in Joe's eyes. Anthony would have done anything for that spark in Joe's eyes, even entertaining the thought of whatever in Merlin's name muggle magic was supposed to be. Slight of hand? Yeah, he doubted Joe would have ever been any good at that. "You'll have to show me later."
He'd humour him. He'd do whatever it took. "You were great at magic, back in school. I remember. We can get you a wand again. One day."
"I have to be capable of it, I'm afraid. My mind is muddled. I had an accident... at school. I think. No one really tells me what happened. I'm not sure how much I want to know." Joe confessed nervously as he hugged himself, looking away from Anthony because it was embarrassing. To not know and to not want to know, just seemed silly.
But he was afraid of knowing too much. It might hurt him. It might anger him. And then what? "I suppose magic isn't everything. I have other hobbies. I-I like to look at the pictures in the newspaper and I like to paint. When I'm allowed. I like chatting to people too, if they want to. I've been told I'm a bit of a pest." He always wanted to talk, he just wanted to get to know everyone and everything.
"You can talk to me any time. You always used to. I'd tell you to shut up sometimes, but I never meant it. I really, truly never meant it." All the times he'd been dismissive of Joe, the times he had been annoyed, they were haunting him now in a way he could have never anticipated. "You are allowed to do what you want. I don't mind, really."
He looked at the board and then turned back to Joe, trying that smile again. "Train is coming. We'll get a compartment and maybe we can catch some sleep, yeah?" Joe certainly looked tired. "Tomorrow will be a better day."
"Right, we can. It's quite late, is it an all night train? Woah. I've never been on one of those. That I remember." He had very skewed memories of trains so he didn't quite know but he imagined it would be fun. Travelling at night. He never got to see the night sky these days, they tended to close the blinds at 8 in summer, 4 in winter.
As the train pulled up, he stood again and gestured for Anthony to lead the way, just to make sure this wasn't a plan to get him on a strange train and then ditch him on it. He had no idea what he'd do if he got stranded all the way out there. "It's quite exciting, isn't it?"
"It is exciting," Anthony agreed, as if his heart wasn't beating too fast because what he was doing could get him arrested. Getting Joe further away instead of bringing him back. He held his hand as he pulled him onto the train with him and then he got them further to a compartment with seats that could be pushed down. He was tired, he liked sleep, and Joe definitely needed some as well.
"We went on trains together, you and I. Always took the train to school at the beginning of the year and around the holidays. And one time we ran off and took a train just because we wanted to." One of his favourite memories. Being the only one to remember made the memory precious, yes, but also almost unreal.
He finished pushing the seats down and then pulled Joe to sit next to him on what was about to be their makeshift bed. "You wanted to buy a lot of snacks on the train. You always liked snacks."
Called him a snack at one cringe-worthy occasion. Fun memories indeed.
"We did? I bet we got into trouble! I didn't know I was such a daredevil. You seem to be a bad influence on me. Or perhaps I was to you. I don't know what I was like before." Joe laughed awkwardly as he let Anthony finished adjusting the seats and then dropped down next to him. He was going to sleep so close to Anthony - he hadn't slept that close to anyone in ... ever. He wasn't sure what to do. He just hoped he didn't do anything embarrassing in his sleep.
"I am hungry, I haven't eaten since yesterday. I didn't have any money on me. I didn't mean to leave so I'm not ready, not dressed for the occasion either. I seem to scare people when I walk around like this." He was in his St Mungos patient wear so naturally, it was a little unsettling to many.
"Well, most people think that I am the bad influence on you. And they'd be right, nine times out of ten. Though you can be more of a bastard than you'd think at times." Anthony grinned, easier now that he almost, almost felt some familiarity there. The Joe he knew lurking underneath it all, with his awkward demeanour and that laugh.
"I've got money, Joe. Don't you worry. I can get us both plenty of snacks." He had saved up for this. For years. Gotten quite a bit of money from muggles, which was maybe a bit of a scam at times, but paid off. Gotten money from people that thought he was destined for greatness too, which came in handy. Enough to buy his Joe snacks. Maybe even enough to get them a cottage somewhere.
"You must be very successful in your work like. I'm very impressed. Bravo!" He punched the air in a mini gesture that he was aware, even while doing it, that it was dorky but he couldn't help himself. He wanted to celebrate that Anthony was doing well. In his own wonky little way. "I don't have any money but I do hope I can make some soon! I would like to be able to buy things. It would have been nice to buy food yesterday."
He smiled at Anthony and then watched the people walking through the train aisles. The train was on it's way and people were settling. So many people. The most people he had seen in ages. "Gosh, that's a lot."
The way Joe punched the air, Anthony almost pulled him into a hug. Tears came to his eyes, but luckily the glasses hid that. Time was that he'd have just rolled his eyes at it, what a dorky display. Now it hurt his heart in a way he couldn't quite describe. He glanced out at the aisles and then looked back at Joe, shrugging.
"You can ignore them, they ain't going to bother us." Or else he'd make them regret it. "We're just waiting to get you your snacks and then we can settle in for the night."
He frowned. "Don't worry. I will stick to my side."
He frowned for a moment, unsure what Anthony was saying and then he realised. Ah, yes, the beds. "Oh, no, I'm sure you will. I'm more worried about me. I seem to roll in my sleep. I roll off the bed sometimes. Perhaps in my dream, I believe I'm some sort of crab or something. Always skuttling off the side."
Joe didn't seem threatened by Crowley, mostly more worried about himself. He rolled, he cuddled his pillow and sometimes he made noise in his sleep.
The cart moved by and Joe's eyes widened. "Oh! Is that the cart?"
"I don't mind if you sleep close to me." Liked it. Wanted it and yearned for it. But he didn't say that, he just looked up when Joe asked that question, nodding his head. "Yeah, looks like it."
He got up and ready, then made the cart stop so that he could get them one of each of the sweet snacks and the crisp package and a sandwich for each of them as well. Drinks, obviously, were also needed. He'd rather have too much than too little. Joe used to always get peckish at the oddest times. "Do you want anything else, Joe?"
"No, I think that's everything." Joe responded with a laugh, amazed by how much Anthony was buying. He didn't each much in the hospital, a mixture of boring, repetitive food and not feeling a 100% on his medication. He had lost a lot of weight since being there. Speaking of, while Anthony paid the man at the cart, Joe patted himself down.
By the time Anthony returned with the cart haul, he was holding a bottle of pills and looking at his travel companion. "I need my drink. I have to take my medication before I forget."
"Here's a drink." He gave Joe the cider, because Joe had always liked cider. Well, he had always coveted it, anyway, he had only gotten him to actually drink it once, because Joe was nothing if not a good boy. Anthony frowned, taking the bottle of pills from him and looking at them. "Do you know what these do?"
Maybe he could talk him out of it. "They make your mind slower. They subdue you. They make you less yourself, you know?"
"My doctor said I have to take them or it's dangerous for me. It's just medication." He used to get upset at night and more bored before he started taking them. Once he started, things got more tolerable and people seemed to like him more when he was on a schedule for his medication. And now Anthony was telling him it wasn't good and it seemed so conflicting.
"I-I don't know who myself is. Maybe it's good to be less of myself. Maybe that's why the doctor told me to take it." What if he was secretly an asshole and he hadn't realised?
"I know who your self is, Joe. Don't I? I'm your best friend. So, eh, I reckon it can't do that much harm, not with me right there. I can keep you in check." He tried a smile once more and there was the urge, for the first time, to take off the glasses. But he knew better than to risk that, when he was only now slowly building up some trust.
When Joe was the only person to ever not recoil or otherwise react in a way he hated to his eyes and he didn't want to ruin that fragile memory. The way Joe used to look at him. "I reckon it's for the best just trying to be yourself. We can figure it out together. No medication."
Joe seemed unsure but ... but the Joe before, he had friends. He had a life. He was loved. And Joe thought it would be nice to be that guy and not this one. He looked at Anthony, as if to try and suss out bad intent, before he relented and held up his hands. "You can keep them for now but please, don't throw them away. I might need them still. I guess I don't know myself as well as you do."
And wasn't that just sad and frustrating. Some stranger knew him better than he knew himself. He felt at a loss so often - he just wanted to know what happened and who he was. "Just make sure I don't do anything bad. I'd hate to hurt anyone. Especially you." Well, he was a friend. You didn't hurt friends.
"I'll make sure. But you've never hurt anyone, Joe. You never would. You're far too pure to ever hurt anyone." He assured him automatically, simply having to tell him. As he had so often before tried to convince people of Joe's innocence. Joe's good intentions. He handed Joe the sandwich now, opening a salt and vinegar crisp pack for himself. "We can share."
He held the pack over to him and shrugged. "You always liked sweets best, but you should eat something proper first."
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thearrangement2023-10-04 07:18 pm
no subject
"Is the sea nice?" Of course, Joe had been before. He went often with his family and they had been on a class trip to the seaside once. The memories were so torn up, they felt like dreams and he couldn't trust for a second that they were real. "There's a picture of the sea in the waiting room before you see the doctor. It's really pretty."
no subject
Not exactly a tall order, that. He pulled Joe with him to sit on the bench. He got his wand out and used a quick spell to make them both a little warmer. There was a chill in the air. "We'll find out together. And make new memories."
no subject
"I knew a muggle, in the hospital, he was teaching me muggle magic." And yes, he looked adoring over such a concept. "It's all with the slight of hand, you see. It's like a trick! Of course, it's all rather silly but it's quite good fun."
no subject
He'd humour him. He'd do whatever it took. "You were great at magic, back in school. I remember. We can get you a wand again. One day."
no subject
But he was afraid of knowing too much. It might hurt him. It might anger him. And then what? "I suppose magic isn't everything. I have other hobbies. I-I like to look at the pictures in the newspaper and I like to paint. When I'm allowed. I like chatting to people too, if they want to. I've been told I'm a bit of a pest." He always wanted to talk, he just wanted to get to know everyone and everything.
no subject
He looked at the board and then turned back to Joe, trying that smile again. "Train is coming. We'll get a compartment and maybe we can catch some sleep, yeah?" Joe certainly looked tired. "Tomorrow will be a better day."
no subject
As the train pulled up, he stood again and gestured for Anthony to lead the way, just to make sure this wasn't a plan to get him on a strange train and then ditch him on it. He had no idea what he'd do if he got stranded all the way out there. "It's quite exciting, isn't it?"
no subject
"We went on trains together, you and I. Always took the train to school at the beginning of the year and around the holidays. And one time we ran off and took a train just because we wanted to." One of his favourite memories. Being the only one to remember made the memory precious, yes, but also almost unreal.
He finished pushing the seats down and then pulled Joe to sit next to him on what was about to be their makeshift bed. "You wanted to buy a lot of snacks on the train. You always liked snacks."
Called him a snack at one cringe-worthy occasion. Fun memories indeed.
no subject
"I am hungry, I haven't eaten since yesterday. I didn't have any money on me. I didn't mean to leave so I'm not ready, not dressed for the occasion either. I seem to scare people when I walk around like this." He was in his St Mungos patient wear so naturally, it was a little unsettling to many.
"Is it expensive? I don't want to put you out..."
no subject
"I've got money, Joe. Don't you worry. I can get us both plenty of snacks." He had saved up for this. For years. Gotten quite a bit of money from muggles, which was maybe a bit of a scam at times, but paid off. Gotten money from people that thought he was destined for greatness too, which came in handy. Enough to buy his Joe snacks. Maybe even enough to get them a cottage somewhere.
no subject
He smiled at Anthony and then watched the people walking through the train aisles. The train was on it's way and people were settling. So many people. The most people he had seen in ages. "Gosh, that's a lot."
no subject
"You can ignore them, they ain't going to bother us." Or else he'd make them regret it. "We're just waiting to get you your snacks and then we can settle in for the night."
He frowned. "Don't worry. I will stick to my side."
no subject
Joe didn't seem threatened by Crowley, mostly more worried about himself. He rolled, he cuddled his pillow and sometimes he made noise in his sleep.
The cart moved by and Joe's eyes widened. "Oh! Is that the cart?"
no subject
He got up and ready, then made the cart stop so that he could get them one of each of the sweet snacks and the crisp package and a sandwich for each of them as well. Drinks, obviously, were also needed. He'd rather have too much than too little. Joe used to always get peckish at the oddest times. "Do you want anything else, Joe?"
no subject
By the time Anthony returned with the cart haul, he was holding a bottle of pills and looking at his travel companion. "I need my drink. I have to take my medication before I forget."
no subject
Maybe he could talk him out of it. "They make your mind slower. They subdue you. They make you less yourself, you know?"
no subject
"I-I don't know who myself is. Maybe it's good to be less of myself. Maybe that's why the doctor told me to take it." What if he was secretly an asshole and he hadn't realised?
no subject
When Joe was the only person to ever not recoil or otherwise react in a way he hated to his eyes and he didn't want to ruin that fragile memory. The way Joe used to look at him. "I reckon it's for the best just trying to be yourself. We can figure it out together. No medication."
no subject
And wasn't that just sad and frustrating. Some stranger knew him better than he knew himself. He felt at a loss so often - he just wanted to know what happened and who he was. "Just make sure I don't do anything bad. I'd hate to hurt anyone. Especially you." Well, he was a friend. You didn't hurt friends.
no subject
"I'll make sure. But you've never hurt anyone, Joe. You never would. You're far too pure to ever hurt anyone." He assured him automatically, simply having to tell him. As he had so often before tried to convince people of Joe's innocence. Joe's good intentions. He handed Joe the sandwich now, opening a salt and vinegar crisp pack for himself. "We can share."
He held the pack over to him and shrugged. "You always liked sweets best, but you should eat something proper first."