"They're bad for the environment. Cars, I mean. It's London, you should use public transportation or the world will heat up to 1 more degree. Then we'll have problems. Like the dinosaurs did." Adam explained, not sure fully who this was but he had vague memories of uncle Crowley. Very vague. He really wasn't around much at all. If ever.
"... Yeah. Well. We're just showing him the ropes, you know?" Hastur explained, not sure how to respond to whatever Adam said. He focused instead of Crowley. "You're late. Lucifer won't be happy."
Adam looked around and then pulled a face. "Why do people always piss behind night clubs?" Seriously, the smell was wild.
"Lucifer's never had a problem with the way I do things before, so if you have one, just bring it up to him," Crowley suggested, mostly focused on the boy here. He hadn't really expected the climate rant. Most kids just thought his car was cool. Which it was. He thought so too.
"They piss here because they get pissed first. Smells awful." He glanced at Hastur and Ligur. "Don't suppose you two notice that."
"Huh?" Ligur didn't quite follow.
"Want to go somewhere that smells better, Adam?" Crowley gestured to the car. "I don't do business in smelly places."
"Definitely. This is well boring." He didn't much care for the city. He had been raised in the country for so long that coming to the city to take over had been boring, lonely and a little tedious. Chatting on discord with his mates didn't make being away from home any better and he hated that London was so loud, smelly and crowded. "Let's go."
"Hang on! You can't just take him! We are not leaving you alone with him. We are supposed to being this together."
"Oh, we are. Of course we're all staying together. Can you just go and fetch my jacket from inside? Both of you. My dad would be angry if it's lost." Adam informed them and after much smiles and fake platitudes, Hastur and Ligur went back inside to find the jacket. The jacket that Adam was wearing. They were really quite dumb.
He turned to Crowley and smiled. "I'm ready. Let's leave."
"Smart kid." Smarter than those two at least, which wasn't really saying much. Crowley walked over to his car and opened the door to the passenger side, letting Adam get inside. Then he walked around and got into his seat, immediately backing out of the alley. Music was blasting from the speakers and Crowley checked his watch, just to know how late it was.
"You hungry at all? Because I assume that those two didn't feed you well." They didn't do anything well, so it stood to reason. "How old are you now, Adam? Just curious."
"Nah, we didn't get any food. Didn't have breakfast either. Dad's naff at this stuff. He doesn't understand kids, I reckon." It was funny, trying to live with Lucifer. He saw him like twice in total and half the time, it was maids and servants. And they didn't know what to do with him. They made him salmon for breakfast.
Safe to say, he did not eat it.
"I'm ten. Double digits. It's very exciting." Adam remarked idly as he looked around the car, just taking it in. "It was a good birthday. Until I left."
"Yeah, I reckon your dad doesn't really understand anyone other than himself. He's more the type to make the world accommodate him than to accommodate anyone." Crowley wasn't sure how much Adam was going to follow this, but he seemed a fairly bright boy, he assumed he'd at least get the gist. "Happy birthday. I'll see about getting you a present later."
For now, he got out his phone and found the last number he'd dialled, not saved under any name. "What do you feel like eating most right now? I'll make it happen."
"Dunno. Not fish and shrimp and all kinds of fancy stuff. Don't like lamb either. I miss chips but they're not always healthy so you can't have them all the time. Roast potatoes are nice and I usually have plant based beef, the real one is terrible." Oh yes, a budding vegetarian son of Lucifer - that would likely go over very well. "I just want to eat something normal."
"Hello? Crowley? Please say the code word before we talk." The codeword was new. Aziraphale thought it up. He loved that sort of thing - clues and codewords.
"...I've no bloody idea, angel. Banana?" Something like that, he was fairly sure. "Look, I need a recommendation for a place to eat. Somewhere, I don't know. Somewhere that does roast potatoes?" If anyone knew where food was good, it had to be Aziraphale. Besides, he always felt more at ease when he could talk to Aziraphale. "And vegetarian roasts, I guess that."
Oh, he could not wait for Lucifer to discover that one. It would so be blamed on him.
"There's a nice pub by the bookstore I frequent. I'll send you a link! Just a moment, I'll call back in a jiffy." Then Aziraphale hung up on Crowley. Adam frowned and raised an eyebrow. Angel? Weird. Guess it was his boyfriend or something.
"Is he a chef?" Why was Crowley asking him for help? Seemed a little strange, didn't most people just google stuff? Then again, this guy hung up to send a link - maybe they were too old to work phones properly. "What's a jiffy?"
"That's a word that only people who can't stay on a call while sending a link use. Means he'll call back right after." Knowing Aziraphale, it was probably going to be a few, until he remembered how to copy and paste. Well, not as if he was in that much of a hurry, now that he at least knew to go vaguely in the direction of the bookshop. "He's a friend of mine. He likes food a lot, always knows those little places where they know him by name. I'm not big on food."
"That's sad, food is good. You should start eating more, maybe having fruit. Fruit is really good for you. Apples are great for your teeth." Adam clarified as he looked out of the wind, listening for the sound of the phone. Which did ring. Eventually.
"Hello again. It's me. Banana." Aziraphale assumed it was a codeword Crowley had invented. "It's the Cuckoo Oak. I sent the link on the whatsapp for you."
"Do they have Vimto there?" Adam asked and there was a long silence as clearly, he had flustered the man.
"I-I-I personally never checked before but you could buy a can from the shop next door. Hello." Aziraphale wasn't sure who that was but he tried to be polite.
"That's just a kid, angel. Just some boy I'm showing around. You want to meet us at that pub?" Some things were just better clarified in person. Crowley glanced at his phone to check just where he was going exactly, not feeling the need to end the call to do so. "My treat."
He assumed Aziraphale would give in, he could never resist an invitation to a good meal. Crowley looked at Adam, just to see how he was doing. "We'll get you Vimto."
"Of course, I can be there. I'll even bring the Vimto and inform the owner." Aziraphale promised, knowing that outside food and drink wasn't allowed but he could be persuasive. And pay double the cost of a children's drink. "See you shortly. Over and out."
Aziraphale hung up again and Adam made a little amused noise. "He's weird." He didn't sound judgemental or annoyed. He liked that he was weird. It was more fun when people were weird. "He talks like a movie."
"Yeeeah, he's gotten the wrong end of some spy movies." And Crowley liked it too. Amused him, made him laugh. He was generally grumpy, but with Aziraphale there was usually reason to smile instead. "We'll be there in five minutes, it's close now. Then you can pick whatever you want off the menu and we can pack any leftovers."
Seemed best, given no one else appeared capable of feeding the child. "Adam? Don't tell people about the man we're meeting, yeah? He's shy. He'd rather be secret."
"I won't tell anyone. I don't know why I would. I never get to talk to anyone who cares about... anything. Everyone is either stupid or they just don't care." Adam admitted as he wondered, idly, if his friends were okay. If they were playing together properly and had burned through his list of ideas yet. He hoped not. He'd send more ideas along soon.
"Are you not supposed to see him? Usually when adults ask for a secret, they're doing something they shouldn't be doing." It wasn't always bad, just a secret.
"Nah, not so much. You know how it is, don't you? I'm not really supposed to have friends outside the family. Not that I have any within the family." Gross. He made a face just imagining it. "Anyway, I've carved out my own place within things, I get to do what I want a lot. But Aziraphale is a good guy and I'm not. So he's not supposed to be seen with me and vice versa."
Simplified, but perhaps it would be enough of an explanation. Crowley parked the car and gestured to the place. "Here we are, Adam. Let's get you fed and watered."
"I'm not a dog, you know?" Adam pointed out as he considered what Crowley had told him and pondered it a little, curious what it all meant in the end. All of this their side and our side nonsense. "Life would be easier if everyone just got on with things and we spend less time worrying about everyone else. And we never worry in a good way, just a bad way."
As they entered the pub, Adam looked around and then frowned as a very excited blond man started waving in their direction. What a look. If he had to imagine goodness as a person, he'd see him. "He's the angel, isn't he?"
Crowley thought of Adam more as a plant, but he supposed that wasn't much more flattering, so he didn't correct him. Instead he listened to the child spout wisdom and walked with him into the pub, smiling a little at how subtle Aziraphale was being. "Yup, that'd be him. Come on then."
He put a hand on Adam's shoulder and guided him along, sitting down at the same booth Aziraphale was sitting at. "Evening, angel. Adam here misses home comfort. Sunday roast dinner, from the sounds of it. So, what can you recommend?"
"I rather like the house special. They do a twist on the carrots." Aziraphale offered and then looked at young Adam in confusion, looking back at Crowley as if it would make sense. "I wasn't expecting dinner today. Well, no, dinner in such a manner as this. With... guests."
"He wants to know who I am." Adam clarified to Crowley because he didn't like when adults danced around stuff. "He's my uncle." Hopefully that helped.
Aziraphale looked slightly alarmed. If he was an uncle then... no. It wasn't Lucifer's boy, was it? Hopefully Hastur had a secret, somehow well raised, child.
"Let's get the house special then." Crowley made the order when the waitress stopped by their table, simply smiling briefly. "Nothing for me." He'd have had a drink, but he was driving with a child and that seemed irresponsible.
With ordering taken care of, he waited for Aziraphale to order as well and then looked at him, trying to decide what to say here. What to reveal. "Son of my oldest brother. Supposed to take over the business one day."
That said it all, didn't it? Crowley shrugged. "He wasn't raised in the city. Back when he was born, I had to find him someplace to stay. I thought I'd picked a good family." He was wondering now.
"You picked Tadfield?" He didn't know that. Adam frowned as he looked at Crowley, not sure if he should be thankful or annoyed by his choice but either way, seemed stupid to be upset now. "I liked it there. It was good."
"I imagine it was." The heir apparent had returned. He took his glass of wine and sipped it, unsure what to even do with that information. He laughed awkwardly in the end. "Families! What are they like?"
"A whole lot of trouble that they are not worth," Crowley commented drily, before looking at Adam. "When you were born, your father asked me to take care of you. And to keep you secret, of course, so that there wouldn't be any issue."
Of course, now Adam was heir apparent and that was all sorts of trouble that he didn't want Adam to have to deal with. "Now Adam here is supposed to show potential and if he doesn't, it's my fault."
"Oh dear. And may I ask what counts as potential?"
"I assume it counts if I hurt people and spit and pee in alleyways." Because that was all Adam took from Hastur so far. He knew he was supposed to do big, evil things but he didn't really want to do big evil things. Not really. "I don't really want to be the heir. Do I have to be?"
"I would assume you have little choice, I'm afraid. Unless..." Unless somehow, someway, he and Crowley could think the boy out of this mess. "Is there any other way this could go?"
"Oh yeah. Sure. Plenty of brilliant ways that would land me in a world of hurt." Crowley felt sarcasm was the way to go here. One didn't stop being the heir, so there were really not a lot of options. "Anyway, Adam, don't worry too much about it now. You're still young, no one's expecting you to do much of anything yet. Including the peeing in alleyways. Don't ever do that."
There, that was some useful parenting. "You're a smart lad. When your father talks to you, just say what you think he wants to here and then they generally leave you alone. That's what I do."
"He never talks to me and when he does, he wants be to show him stuff. It's not just telling, it's the showing. I'm supposed to know things but everyone around me is really thick." It was like a gang full of Brians. Mean Brians. Mean Brians with too much power and no good friends to stop them.
"I mean, this sort of thing isn't airtight. He had a home before so is there no -- legal claim." He whispered the words, as if they could somehow discuss this without Adam hearing.
"Should I go to the bathroom so you can talk?" Adam asked politely. "Seems awkward otherwise."
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thearrangement2023-07-30 04:59 pm
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"... Yeah. Well. We're just showing him the ropes, you know?" Hastur explained, not sure how to respond to whatever Adam said. He focused instead of Crowley. "You're late. Lucifer won't be happy."
Adam looked around and then pulled a face. "Why do people always piss behind night clubs?" Seriously, the smell was wild.
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"They piss here because they get pissed first. Smells awful." He glanced at Hastur and Ligur. "Don't suppose you two notice that."
"Huh?" Ligur didn't quite follow.
"Want to go somewhere that smells better, Adam?" Crowley gestured to the car. "I don't do business in smelly places."
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"Hang on! You can't just take him! We are not leaving you alone with him. We are supposed to being this together."
"Oh, we are. Of course we're all staying together. Can you just go and fetch my jacket from inside? Both of you. My dad would be angry if it's lost." Adam informed them and after much smiles and fake platitudes, Hastur and Ligur went back inside to find the jacket. The jacket that Adam was wearing. They were really quite dumb.
He turned to Crowley and smiled. "I'm ready. Let's leave."
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"You hungry at all? Because I assume that those two didn't feed you well." They didn't do anything well, so it stood to reason. "How old are you now, Adam? Just curious."
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Safe to say, he did not eat it.
"I'm ten. Double digits. It's very exciting." Adam remarked idly as he looked around the car, just taking it in. "It was a good birthday. Until I left."
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For now, he got out his phone and found the last number he'd dialled, not saved under any name. "What do you feel like eating most right now? I'll make it happen."
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"Hello? Crowley? Please say the code word before we talk." The codeword was new. Aziraphale thought it up. He loved that sort of thing - clues and codewords.
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Oh, he could not wait for Lucifer to discover that one. It would so be blamed on him.
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"Is he a chef?" Why was Crowley asking him for help? Seemed a little strange, didn't most people just google stuff? Then again, this guy hung up to send a link - maybe they were too old to work phones properly. "What's a jiffy?"
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"Hello again. It's me. Banana." Aziraphale assumed it was a codeword Crowley had invented. "It's the Cuckoo Oak. I sent the link on the whatsapp for you."
"Do they have Vimto there?" Adam asked and there was a long silence as clearly, he had flustered the man.
"I-I-I personally never checked before but you could buy a can from the shop next door. Hello." Aziraphale wasn't sure who that was but he tried to be polite.
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He assumed Aziraphale would give in, he could never resist an invitation to a good meal. Crowley looked at Adam, just to see how he was doing. "We'll get you Vimto."
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Aziraphale hung up again and Adam made a little amused noise. "He's weird." He didn't sound judgemental or annoyed. He liked that he was weird. It was more fun when people were weird. "He talks like a movie."
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Seemed best, given no one else appeared capable of feeding the child. "Adam? Don't tell people about the man we're meeting, yeah? He's shy. He'd rather be secret."
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"Are you not supposed to see him? Usually when adults ask for a secret, they're doing something they shouldn't be doing." It wasn't always bad, just a secret.
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Simplified, but perhaps it would be enough of an explanation. Crowley parked the car and gestured to the place. "Here we are, Adam. Let's get you fed and watered."
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As they entered the pub, Adam looked around and then frowned as a very excited blond man started waving in their direction. What a look. If he had to imagine goodness as a person, he'd see him. "He's the angel, isn't he?"
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He put a hand on Adam's shoulder and guided him along, sitting down at the same booth Aziraphale was sitting at. "Evening, angel. Adam here misses home comfort. Sunday roast dinner, from the sounds of it. So, what can you recommend?"
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"He wants to know who I am." Adam clarified to Crowley because he didn't like when adults danced around stuff. "He's my uncle." Hopefully that helped.
Aziraphale looked slightly alarmed. If he was an uncle then... no. It wasn't Lucifer's boy, was it? Hopefully Hastur had a secret, somehow well raised, child.
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With ordering taken care of, he waited for Aziraphale to order as well and then looked at him, trying to decide what to say here. What to reveal. "Son of my oldest brother. Supposed to take over the business one day."
That said it all, didn't it? Crowley shrugged. "He wasn't raised in the city. Back when he was born, I had to find him someplace to stay. I thought I'd picked a good family." He was wondering now.
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"You picked Tadfield?" He didn't know that. Adam frowned as he looked at Crowley, not sure if he should be thankful or annoyed by his choice but either way, seemed stupid to be upset now. "I liked it there. It was good."
"I imagine it was." The heir apparent had returned. He took his glass of wine and sipped it, unsure what to even do with that information. He laughed awkwardly in the end. "Families! What are they like?"
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Of course, now Adam was heir apparent and that was all sorts of trouble that he didn't want Adam to have to deal with. "Now Adam here is supposed to show potential and if he doesn't, it's my fault."
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"I assume it counts if I hurt people and spit and pee in alleyways." Because that was all Adam took from Hastur so far. He knew he was supposed to do big, evil things but he didn't really want to do big evil things. Not really. "I don't really want to be the heir. Do I have to be?"
"I would assume you have little choice, I'm afraid. Unless..." Unless somehow, someway, he and Crowley could think the boy out of this mess. "Is there any other way this could go?"
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There, that was some useful parenting. "You're a smart lad. When your father talks to you, just say what you think he wants to here and then they generally leave you alone. That's what I do."
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"I mean, this sort of thing isn't airtight. He had a home before so is there no -- legal claim." He whispered the words, as if they could somehow discuss this without Adam hearing.
"Should I go to the bathroom so you can talk?" Adam asked politely. "Seems awkward otherwise."
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