thearrangement | Leaving home ain't easy but may be the only way

"Yeah, I heard you are quite sick. I hope you feel better soon, kiddo." Gunn sat down in the chair, while Barty stayed standing for the moment. "Is it all right if your brother steps out for a bit? I'd like to get to know you a little and talk to you one-on-one. Do you mind?"

He'd not be surprised if that scared Aziraphale a little, but he had to try and win his trust and get some questions answered without anyone listening in. "What book are you reading?"

"Oh. I--I suppose." He looked nervously at Barty and he didn't want him to leave but he didn't really have a choice. He was used to blindly doing what his elders told him so there was no attempt to protest. He did, however, squirm and his body language changed as he pulled himself a little further back from Gunn.

"I'm reading Peter Pan. My brother brought it for me. We both like reading. I learned it yesterday." Aziraphale clarified as he closed the book and set it aside so no one could touch it. He had never seen a man quite like Gunn before. He was tall and his skin was dark, he had a strange accent and the way he spoke was so very casual. "Are you American?"

"Yeah, I'm American. I mean, I was born there. I came to England when I was twelve, so I've been here a long while. But the accent never went away, huh?" For better or worse. Barty petted Aziraphale's hair.

"I'll get you a snack," he promised. With that he left and Gunn waited for the door to close before turning to Aziraphale again with a friendly smile. "He's a cool dude, your brother. Are you two getting along? I know you haven't had much of a chance to be friends yet, but it seems like you're hitting it off?" He was hoping as much, would really make this easy for him. Ideal for Aziraphale.

"You should be kind to all men but especially sinners. They should be loved the most. Some disagree on this, I argue with Gabriel often, but I think it's easy to love people who are nice, the real thing that makes God impressive is when he loves everyone. That's why I like Luke 6:31 to 38." Aziraphale explained to Gunn as he looked down and played with the folds of his hospital gown. "Love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil."

With a small smile, he looked where Barty had gone and then bit his lower lip. "I do not think Barty is evil though. Or ungrateful, really. He's just wayward. He left because he lost faith but God still loves him." And he hoped one day that Barty would love God back, as he did, and then they could both return home. "We are both sinners but we still have a chance to go back. I think. If we work hard."

Edited 2023-04-23 19:53 (UTC)

"I'm not sure about all that, but I know one thing for sure. Barty really likes you. He loves you a lot. He's told me." Well, not explicitly, but close enough. Especially for a guy like that, who had grown up under those circumstances. "He talked about how smart you are, how bright and sweet. He thinks you're an amazing little guy, that's why I'm so glad I get to meet you."

Hopefully he could make it through and past all that brainwashing. "See, I'm here to figure out whether it's good for you to stay with Barty. I can't let you stay with him if you don't like him or if he might be bad to you. Do you think he'll take good care of you?"

"I don't know. He got me a bear and he has a room full of books... but he paints his nails." So Aziraphale was unsure, honestly, when asked to make a judgement call. He frowned at Gunn as he tried to work out what the right answer was. "My dad said he was a very bad boy, that he drinks and takes substances and probably plays with 'rent boys'. I'm not sure what they are, I just overheard father say it and it was a bad thing. And he--"

Aziraphale checked that no one could hear and then leaned forward a little. "He does kiss boys..." Did that make a difference? He wasn't sure. He looked at Gunn, hoping his adult judgement could help him understand if that made him safe or not. "I'm not sure if it's safe. With Bartemius. Will it let the devil into me?"

"I don't think so, sweetheart. For one thing, I doubt your brother has much time for any of that, drinking, drugs or boys right now. He's working and studying for a super important exam, so I bet he's real busy." That was the impression he had gotten, anyway. Barty had several books in a corner of this room, even, because he'd been studying while Aziraphale was asleep.

"Anyway. I don't believe that it's bad to kiss boys. Or girls. If you find someone you want to kiss that wants to kiss you too and you are the same age, it's a good idea to kiss. If you are old enough, anyway."

Aziraphale didn't like to argue. He had watched his brothers yelling at people in the street and arguing with them but it seemed wrong to do it all that way. Kissing boys seemed 'wrong' in concept, with all he knew from the bible, but it seemed cruel to point it out constantly. To hurt the sinners. He didn't like the idea much. "Barty reads a lot. He doesn't seem like how my father suggested but maybe it's because I'm -- I'm missing something."

He had to be. It made sense that he was. He looked down, feeling such anxiety run through him. "Does father really want to never, ever see me again? I didn't do anything bad. I was trying. I only played dress up once and never, ever again. I said sorry. And I didn't use the restrooms like they said and I--It was a penguin..." Aziraphale trailed off, awkward and unsure. "I did my homework and I prayed every day."

"All right, Aziraphale. I need you to imagine something for me." Gunn reached out for the bear that was so sweetly tucked in bed next to Aziraphale, holding it up in front of him. "Imagine if the bear here was a young child. Your little sister or brother, yeah? And imagine they were sick, like you are now. You are smarter and older, so if they told you that they felt hot and their head hurt, you'd be a good boy and tell them to drink something and to lie down, yeah?"

Damn, he hated neglectful families. "Your family, for them you are the little one. And they are old enough and smart enough to know how to take care of you. But instead they endangered you. It's your family's fault that you got sick. Not yours. And that's why they shouldn't see you again, because you need to be taken care of. Like Barty wants to."

"I didn't tell them properly though. I was ... I was embarrassed. In the morning. I'm not allowed to talk about--about-- about it." He mumbled at the end, stumbling over his words as he took the bear gently from Gunn and cradled it in his arms, almost like a baby. He always wanted a doll but his family were horrified at the idea. It was a shame, dolls seemed like a lot of fun. "I would have come. If my little brother was sick. I don't know why they didn't come, I think I must have been really bad."

Otherwise, it was just hard to get his head around. That it was their fault. That they were the bad ones and not him. "I didn't want to not go to school. I've never been to a zoo before, I really wanted to go. And dad always says that if you can stand, you can go to school."

"I know. I know, Aziraphale. I get it. But that's all not your fault. You are the child. The adults are supposed to take care of you. And I've been checking some thing and I don't think they took good care of you at all." It was horrifying, quite frankly. He wished he could have intervened sooner. "I think Barty will take good care of you now. He got you the bear, right? A bear is a really cool friend. You can tell your bear anything and you won't have to feel alone with it. But you can tell Barty things too. Or me. No matter how embarrassed."

"Okay, thank you." He didn't want to tell Gunn or Barty about embarrassing things but it was nice. That they offered. That they cared. He pulled the plush bear into a hug and nodded his head. "So do I go home with Barty when I'm better?" Was that why they picked out sheets and things today? He supposed it all made a lot of sense.

He wasn't sure how to feel but he knew by now that going home was unlikely. "He read to me. When I was sick. He's quite nice, isn't he?" For a sinner, he was sweet.

"Yes, I think he's a really nice guy. He's cool too. And wicked smart! I took a few courses with him in uni and he was the gold star student. Always got the highest scores out of everyone." Gunn smiled at Aziraphale, hoping that admiring his brother would make him trust him a little more. Want to live with him, because he did think he was a good guy. Complicated, troubled past, but a good guy. "You'll go home with him when the hospital is letting you leave. But then I'll still come by quite a lot, just to check whether everything is all right with you."

"Oh, okay. Maybe next time, I can make you a drink." Well, that seemed like a polite thing to do. Aziraphale smiled and then looked around to try and find something he could offer. He eventually picked up a snickers bar he had and held it out, wanting to be a hospitable sort. "Do you want something to eat? I bet you have to eat a lot, you're big and strong. You're so tall."

Aziraphale smiled at him. He was a nice man and he was sure he was so, so strong. He could give Gabriel a run for his money.

"That's really nice of you. Look at you, you're the sweetest little boy." Gunn accepted the snickers bar, since Aziraphale seemed so eager to give him something. Besides, who didn't love snickers? "I'm pretty tall and strong, yeah. Come in handy when someone needs something off a high shelf."

At least he brought that much to the table. "You'll live in a different place now, Aziraphale, so once you go back to school, it will be a new school. Your brother is looking at the options for schools right now. Between the two of us, it's a much better school district than the last one. You'll be in a super nice school, I bet."

"I hope so. I didn't like my school much." He didn't really have any friends but sometimes, he did play with the girls. The boys always called him a loser and he supposed he proved them right. He was the weird religious smart kid who hated football and rough-housing, so it really did set him apart. "I hope I can make friends this time."

He looked anxiously at the door, wondering if Barty knew all of this. "Is Barty okay to have me stay?"

"Barty really wants you to, yeah. He's doing everything he has to so he can keep you. He's being a really good brother. Good guardian." Gunn frowned, glancing at the door and then looking back at Aziraphale. "You know, Barty and you grew up in the same family. So even if he is a lot older, you have some stuff in common. And I bet Barty wasn't taken care of well as a kid either. So now he wants to take care of you."

Gunn smiled, giving a thumbs up. "You can come visit me at the youth centre too. You'll definitely make friends there. Everyone does. And it's not that far from your new house."

"Barty was always quiet. I wonder if he's shy." Aziraphale mused as he watched the door, wondering what it would be like to live with Barty, for however long they tried. Maybe he could help Barty too. With studying and with the house. He could clean and he was old enough to learn other chores. He could even read to Barty when he was tired. They could pray, redeem and return to God together.

With a small frown, he looked at Gunn for a few moments before tentatively asking. "Are we friends?" Well, was that how it worked? He really wasn't sure. "We don't have to be..."

"Yeah, Aziraphale. We are friends. But we'll make sure you've friends that are your age too, that's more fun." Gunn grinned, holding a hand out to Aziraphale. Might as well teach him. "Gimme five. Just slap my hand, yeah? That's how friends say hello and goodbye."

Kind of, anyway. "And then I'll ask Barty back inside. I bet he's brought you a nice snack, he said he was gonna." Seemed like a sweet gesture.

He highfive Gunn in the gentlest way anyone ever had, more like he was holding his hand for a brief moment than slapping it. He didn't want to hurt him. With a smile, he pulled his hand back and nodded. "You can invite Barty back in. I won't tell him what we talked about." He assumed it was a secret so he could avoid telling.

He pulled his book over and set it into his lap again, happy to look at Peter Pan once more. "Thank you for the 'hang'." There. He was cool.

"You can tell him if you want to. And you can also tell me if there's ever anything bad. If you think Barty isn't taking care of you so well, you let me know, yeah?" Gunn got up and headed for the door. As soon as he opened it, Barty walked in, heading over to Aziraphale's bed and handing him a brown paper bag. "It's a brownie. Chocolate. You'll like chocolate."

He was convinced of it. "I like it too, if it's dark." Not so much the milk chocolate one, but he supposed that might be different for kids.

"Chocolate is delicious," Gunn enthused, "You have to try, Aziraphale!"

Aziraphale had chocolate once or twice, when he was very young, but he hadn't had it in a long time. Once he had biscuits that had chocolate pieces because Michael realised and took them away. That was such a cool day. He looked at the brownie and pulled it out, eating some of it curiously.

And his tiny eyes lit up like he just found a miracle on Earth.

He looked at Charles in awe. "It's fantastic!" With a smile, he looked at Barty, feeling so taken by his brother. His smart brother, who was studying, who had a library, who brought him cakes. "Thank you." Barty was so cool.

"You're welcome." That came out stilted and Barty rolled his eyes at himself, sitting down on the bed next to Aziraphale and tucking him against himself as had become habit by now. Aziraphale looked better today, clear eyes, less feverish. He was definitely improving and his face when eating a brownie was priceless. "Just wait until I introduce you to pizza."

So much fun ahead of them in the culinary department.

"You two have fun," Gunn said with a laugh, heading for the door, "See you soon, take care!"

With that, he was gone, and Barty focused fully on Aziraphale. "Did you two have a good chat?"

"He told me what you told me. That I can't go back. But he said it's not my fault but ... I still think it kind of is." He could have done better, tried harder and he wanted to go home some day but for now, it wasn't so bad. He had a brownie and he had Barty, sitting with him, touching him. When was the last time he had that? He couldn't really remember. Dad didn't really get close to him and his siblings weren't interested. It was strange but nice.

"I'm gonna live with you, aren't I?" Aziraphale kept eating and his eyes drifted to Barty's nails. They had chipped black paint on them. "I think it will all be okay in the end. We are loved, Barty. So we will be okay. Together."

He reached out without thinking and touched one of the nails with his fingers before he caught himself and pulled away. "Sorry."

Edited 2023-04-23 21:20 (UTC)

"I don't mind. You can touch them, if you like." He held his hand still for Aziraphale, watching him explore it. "Something I learned is that there's ways to be yourself and one of them is to express yourself. It's with how you dress or how you talk. How you make yourself look, smell, feel. And it's nice to show your personality that way."

He smiled briefly. "As long as your personality isn't terrible. I'd imagine it'd not end well for some of our family."

"I think it's okay that you paint your nails but Michael said it's an affront to God. I think it's pretty... but I--I don't--" He didn't want to upset God, he even looked up as if he had said something wrong and God was coming to smite him. When nothing happened, he swallowed hard and looked at Barty's hand curiously.

"What do you study?" He knew Barty was a smart boy who studied, it was really cool of him. "Charles said you were smart."

"I think God would have better things to worry about than nail colours, don't you think? It's just something different. Something fun." He turned his hands a little, so Aziraphale could keep looking at them if he wanted to.

"I study law. Well. I've finished studying law, really. Now I'm working at an office and I am studying for the big exam that will make it so I can practise as a lawyer. Because I'm here for you right now, I'm mostly working remotely."

And studying. And he was so very ready to sleep in an actual bed again.

"I can help, if you want me too. I'm good at writing, my teacher said so. And I clean really well." Aziraphale promised Barty as he kept touching Barty's hand. Not just his nails now but looking at his fingers, his palm, the lines that run along it. He didn't know Barty but he liked Barty so far. He didn't seem like a sinner, not really.

"We have to take care of each other now, brother. It's just us, isn't it?"

Outcasts from God but they could make it work. If they stuck together. He stroked the inside of Barty's palm, eyes on it.

"Yeah. It's just us. But you can believe that I'll always try to be the best I can be for you. And I'll believe the same of you. That's a pretty strong belief. We have each other, so we are lucky." In some ways, at least. Honestly, he just really wanted Aziraphale to believe that. He didn't want the boy to lose that spark of hope inside him. The brightness.

"For now, you've got to make sure you get better fast, so you can come home with me." Would make life a lot easier. "Should I read to you? Which book do you want?"

"I'm up to here in Peter Pan." Holding the book out to Barty, he slid close to him and watched him curiously for a few moments before he snuggled up close to him and pulled his bear along too. They were be fine, right? Soon they would go home and he could eat brownies and make a nice room and one day, when he was a good boy, he could see his family again.

For now, why not enjoy what he had? Why not have fun with Barty?

Leaving home ain't easy but may be the only way

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