On and off, Bartemius had some contact with his family. He had tried, entirely without success, to reach out to some of his other siblings on and off. He had given them money when they had asked for it - demanded, really, made it kind of impossible not to give in when it was the middle of winter and he knew tiny Aziraphale would be stuck there without heating. Could not have that on his conscience.
By choice, he had as little contact as possible, not that they wanted to see him anyway. They were happy to take his money, always happy to receive donations, but his presence? of course not.
Still, when he got the call from Wesley, he didn't hesitate. He made sure he had all identification he had on him and made his way over to the hospital. He was an emergency contact, they apparently just hadn't tried ringing him yet. He had to be an emergency contact, as they needed one person with a different address and that was only true of him, with the rest of his family all living in the compound.
The compound that really wasn't that far from the hospital, yet they could not be bothered. When he got there, Aziraphale was still unconscious. Had been for a long time, apparently. After convincing everyone he had a right to be there, he eventually got to sit next to the sleeping Aziraphale. He sat in the chair, a hand on Aziraphale's burning forehead, hoping, because he didn't believe in anything worth praying to.
After hours, when he had nodded off a little, pearls of sweat had formed under his hand. Sweating was a good sign, the nurse told him, meant the fever was breaking. They looked at Aziraphale, they gave him more infusions, they sent him away for a while and he returned with a bear. Adorable bear that had the colour of Aziraphale's hair and was wearing a white 'Feel better soon!' shirt with a rainbow under it. He'd never had anything like that when he was a child - he still had nothing like that - but it seemed like a child like Aziraphale should have something like it.
He walked back into the room, hearing Aziraphale ask the nurse some questions. Not wanting to interrupt, he merely set the bear down at the foot of Aziraphale's bed.
"Ohh, you are a lucky boy. Your big brother brought you a bear, didn't he? And he's not even married!" The nurse felt that part was lucky, anyway.
Barty just looked at Aziraphale and gave a nod. He was looking better, some healthier colour to his face. And he was eating pudding, so there was that.
Aziraphale didn't really know Barty well. He wasn't a man or a person, just a cautionary tale. Barty left the family, his nails were painted and he lived in sin with other boys who also sinned. He didn't go to church, he didn't visit the family and he was doing all kinds of bad things. Drugs and all that stuff, seeing whatever 'rentboys' were and all that sort of thing.
He didn't remember Barty coming, he didn't remember much after the zoo trip honestly. He remembered needing to pee all day, going around the enclosures and feeling a bit off. He couldn't eat either. He remembered - unfortunately - wetting himself in front of his classmates and them laughing. Then he didn't remember anything much after that. Would have been nice if he could have forgotten the embarrassing part.
All he knew now was what the nurse told him when he asked questions. That he had been very sick, that he came here in an ambulance and that his family was here. Well, no, his family wasn't here but Barty was... Barty didn't feel like family.
He tilted his head back and looked at Barty timidly. He was tall, dark haired, unshaven and he had black finger nails. He didn't smile but he didn't seem wholly unfriendly.
And there was a bear. Why? Was it really for him?
"Hello." Aziraphale greeted politely before eating more pudding, eyes still on his far removed brother. "I'm sorry, I was a little sick. I do hope they didn't bother you, I don't want to make a fuss."
"It's no fuss. Here." Barty picked the bear back up and moved it closer to Aziraphale, pretty much placing it in his arms. The nurse was smiling expectantly and gave an approving nod, so apparently that was the right thing to do. "That's for you."
Obviously. He just wanted to ensure that Aziraphale knew it. "Looked cute like you."
That had been his reasoning, so if Aziraphale questioned the why, that was the answer. "How are you feeling right now, Aziraphale? I know you're still sick."
Aziraphale took the bear and finished the last of his pudding, setting the empty pot aside before he took the bear properly into his arms, studying it. Huh. Very pretty. He set it back on the pillow and then looked curiously at the nurse and then back to Barty. Why was Barty here and no one else? He was very confused.
"Did you call father?" He wasn't sure but he assumed father would be mad at him for embarrassing himself publicly like that so maybe that was why Barty was here. Maybe they were mad. "Or Michael?"
"The hospital called father. They called our siblings. None of them came." Obviously. Honestly, Barty assumed the reason why was obvious. What happened to Aziraphale was a clear sign of neglect. Washing their hands off of him was a lot cleaner than taking him back home now only for him to be taken off of them. However, that was a difficult thing to explain to a child.
He looked at the nurse who nodded her understanding and told Aziraphale she would be back later before leaving the room, closing the door behind her. Barty sighed and looked back at Aziraphale.
"There's a man here from social services, he'll talk to you a bit about your home life. What happened, the way you got sick, that's not your fault. But it is our family's fault."
"No, it's my fault..." It was all his fault and now they didn't want to visit him or even see him. Of course they didn't, he was supposed to be working on himself and instead, he was embarrassing and stupid. He had messed up. He didn't fast well on the weekend and then the zoo was just a lot to handle.The nausea hit him hard again and he hugged himself sheepishly. "Can you tell father I'm really, really sorry but I did not wet myself, I swear it. A penguin, it was doing a trick and it... it splashed me. A three point turn. It was very cool but it splashed me. Then I got dizzy. I didn't mean to get dizzy!"
He didn't want to be kicked out. He would repent, he would try, he would do anything but he really wanted to go home. To his room, his books, his bedsheets and clothes. He knew things weren't going to be that easy and the dread sank in as he looked at Barty.
Was he being kicked out? Left with the other outsiders? That was why Barty came.
His eyes welled up with tears. "I'm a good boy, I swear. I pray every day and I'm working so hard to make up for it. You have to tell them! I won't do anything wrong again. I won't read bad books or play dress up or anything. Please, tell him!" He looked desperately at Barty, hands clasped together.
What did he do with that? Aziraphale was crying. Barty had never been in charge of a crying child. He had never been in charge of any child, honestly. But it wasn't as if it took that much to realise that the logical response was to pull him in for a hug, which was what he did. He had also never done that before, but mechanically it was easy to figure out. Psychologically too, so he pulled Aziraphale close against himself and started running his fingers through his hair.
He was still running hot, still had a bit of a fever. And he was sad, desperately sad and crying. "I want you with me, Aziraphale. I want to take care of you."
And he wanted him to have a childhood. One where he could play dress up and read whatever books he wanted.
Aziraphale cried against Barty, confused and exhausted. He closed his eyes and whimpered lightly. He was so tired and he just wanted to go home but he was scared. Dad would yell and then they would lecture him about being a better boy, which was scary but so was being cast out like Cain.
Sniffling, he wiped his face on his sleeve.
"Why do you want me?" Did he see the sinner in him? He had to. It was obvious.
"Because you are the best part of my family, aren't you? The brightest. Sunshine boy." He said it with a little bit of a smile, using a tissue to help Aziraphale with wiping his face. "You like reading, don't you? I really like reading too. I moved into a new house not that long ago, I have one room that is just for books. There's still a lot of space, you could have your own shelf or two."
Barty imagined that Aziraphale probably couldn't even properly imagine that. At his age, he had gone to the library sometimes by himself. Often, even. He had wanted to live there and be left alone forever. He read books he didn't understand and once that felt wrong, read everything he could. These days, they lived further away from the library and he was sure that Aziraphale was under tighter watch, but still. A room full of books? He remembered the sense of wonder that filled him with. "I want to keep you safe and make you happy. Take care of you."
"Are they all religious texts?" Aziraphale asked curiously as he tried to imagine what it would be like to have a whole room of books. He hoped they were fiction and diverse, he hoped he could read about everything. If he had to be in exile, he wanted to learn more. He wanted to finally reach out and take a hold of all the things he had been held back from. Science, biology especially, was an area he was sorely lacking. "I read a lot but he can't tell the others because they worry. They worry I'll end up like--"
His eyes widened a little when he realised he almost said Barty's name. That would have been more unfortunate. Though now it was not exactly subtle, he sort of hung in the air.
"I read the Jungle Book recently. I liked it a lot."
"That's a good one, isn't it?" Bit problematic where the colonialism and racism was concerned, but a good story nonetheless. "Most of the books I have are fiction, science, philosophy. Not that many religious one." He rather preferred to engage with that as little as possible. "Reading is the best way to open one's mind. To learn yourself you have to learn the world."
Imparting words of wisdom. "I brought a book for you to read while you're in hospital. You'll have to stay at least two or three more days, but I'll be here as often as possible."
He moved to reach his bag, pulling out the illustrated copy of The Hobbit. It was beautiful and looked special, boxed and bound in green and gold. He held it out for Aziraphale to have a closer look. "I'll bring another book tomorrow. Do you know Peter Pan?"
Aziraphale's eyes went wide and he took the book with such care and gentleness, setting it in his lap like it was a rare prize he had won. If this was a test to see if he would take things from Satan, he had failed and yet, he didn't think he could care any more. Father was not coming for him, neither were his siblings, and he was very sick. He wanted to lie in bed and read a book, to leave the world for just a little while.
"It's by Tolkien! I've never read anything by him but I know the name. In a few of the forewords of books I've read, many speak highly of him." With a smile, he stroked the cover lovingly and then looked at Barty curiously. "I know Peter Pan but I've never had chance to read it. It had magic in it, so it's close to Satan... fantasy is off limits." And he hated that because fantasy seemed the most fun.
"Yeah, there are. Tinker Bell is a fairy who is friends with Peter." Barty had never really told a story before, but Aziraphale was looking at him with such hopeful eyes, clearly wanting to be told something. So why not? "In The Hobbit, the book I've brought, there's magic too. He's not magic himself though, he's a hobbit. As the title suggests. And he goes off on a big adventure with a group of dwarves. But a wizard helps them sometimes."
So, there was the promised magic. "I think you'll like it a lot. If you want, I could start reading it to you."
"You would read it to me?" That sounded so nice, he felt so sick and tired, he didn't know how well his eyes could focus but he wanted to know the story so badly. He held the book out to Barty, looking very unsure but hopeful. No one really read to him any more, outside of school. Only scripture and right now, he didn't want to hear about God.
Aziraphale should repent and be better but truth be told, he was a little annoyed at God. He made him wet himself, get sick and lose his family so honestly - he was a bit sour on the good word. "I love hearing stories, Bartemius. Oh-- Are you an elder or are you just by your name? You left the church, I suppose."
"Just Bartemius. Or Barty, I suppose. Not Elder, no." Never again. Made him feel sick, even hearing that word so close to his name. Barty pulled the book out of it's box carefully, then held it out for Aziraphale to see as he opened it for him. "It's a nice edition, don't you think? I love getting books that are special. When you are better, I will take you to my favourite bookstores."
Maybe that wasn't most children's idea of a great outing, but he had a feeling Aziraphale might agree with him.
"I always wanted to go to a book store! I asked once, when I had some pocket money, but I wasn't allowed. I was very selfish, it's true. So I gave my money to our church instead. When you give money to the church, you support your brothers and sisters. Help to pay for the windows and the cleaning and the festivals." Aziraphale wisely informed his brother, innocently proud of being tricked into spending his own money on funding some already rich church leaders lifestyle.
He slid along the bed as much as he could and then looked at Barty. "You can sit beside me, if you'd like. Then I can see the pictures..." He didn't mind Barty, even if he was a little scary and his nails were painted. How bad could he be? If he was going to read and all.
"Well, I'll use my money to support my little brother getting some books that make him happy." Seemed like a much wiser use of his time. Barty sat down as Aziraphale wanted him to, holding the book so he could see and letting him look at it first before he started to read.
It wasn't that long before he realised that Aziraphale was asleep, so he stopped reading, gently setting the book aside. He let Aziraphale sleep tucked against him, because when he tried to move he seemed upset. It was a strange feeling. He wanted Aziraphale to feel safe.
Barty had been here in the morning, he had come back around lunch time, sneaking in some food that seemed more appealing than the hospital food. He had brought Peter Pan, as he'd promised, and he had asked Aziraphale some questions about what bedding, curtains and furniture he wanted in his room. He had come across a website that suggested that as a way to make someone feel settled and as if they had agency over what was happening. He wasn't sure whether that would really help, especially with how baffled Aziraphale seemed by the concept of having his own room. Or purchasing things for it.
Maybe it would make a difference once he could actually take him home. At least the lion and rainbow bedding he had picked was adorable and should be easy to build a theme around.
He had left for a bit now, to talk to social services, and now he had come back with one of the workers, walking in alongside him. Charles Gunn, he seemed vaguely familiar. Friendly guy, very handsome, he was fairly sure he was into men but Barty was trying to be professional here.
"All right, Aziraphale?" He tried a smile, stepping up to the bed. "That's the person I told you about who wants to speak to you."
"Hello. It's nice to meet you, sir." Aziraphale was always polite to a point and while he was a little unsettled around adults and clearly in awe of their authority, he was not really a shy boy. Timid, yes, but certainly not afraid to talk. He sat cross legged on the bed, book in his lap, looking up at Gunn curiously. "Would you like to sit? There's only one chair, I'm afraid, but Barty is okay with sitting on the bed."
He had checked before when nurses came in to talk to him.
"I'm a bit sick but it's not contagious. It is bacterial but what I have, you can't catch it." Aziraphale assured Gunn, in case it was something he was worried about. He didn't want people to get concerned. He didn't say what he had, it was a little embarrassing. His bladder was infected, apparently - whatever that meant. He assumed it was something he did wrong.
"Yeah, I heard you are quite sick. I hope you feel better soon, kiddo." Gunn sat down in the chair, while Barty stayed standing for the moment. "Is it all right if your brother steps out for a bit? I'd like to get to know you a little and talk to you one-on-one. Do you mind?"
He'd not be surprised if that scared Aziraphale a little, but he had to try and win his trust and get some questions answered without anyone listening in. "What book are you reading?"
"Oh. I--I suppose." He looked nervously at Barty and he didn't want him to leave but he didn't really have a choice. He was used to blindly doing what his elders told him so there was no attempt to protest. He did, however, squirm and his body language changed as he pulled himself a little further back from Gunn.
"I'm reading Peter Pan. My brother brought it for me. We both like reading. I learned it yesterday." Aziraphale clarified as he closed the book and set it aside so no one could touch it. He had never seen a man quite like Gunn before. He was tall and his skin was dark, he had a strange accent and the way he spoke was so very casual. "Are you American?"
"Yeah, I'm American. I mean, I was born there. I came to England when I was twelve, so I've been here a long while. But the accent never went away, huh?" For better or worse. Barty petted Aziraphale's hair.
"I'll get you a snack," he promised. With that he left and Gunn waited for the door to close before turning to Aziraphale again with a friendly smile. "He's a cool dude, your brother. Are you two getting along? I know you haven't had much of a chance to be friends yet, but it seems like you're hitting it off?" He was hoping as much, would really make this easy for him. Ideal for Aziraphale.
"You should be kind to all men but especially sinners. They should be loved the most. Some disagree on this, I argue with Gabriel often, but I think it's easy to love people who are nice, the real thing that makes God impressive is when he loves everyone. That's why I like Luke 6:31 to 38." Aziraphale explained to Gunn as he looked down and played with the folds of his hospital gown. "Love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil."
With a small smile, he looked where Barty had gone and then bit his lower lip. "I do not think Barty is evil though. Or ungrateful, really. He's just wayward. He left because he lost faith but God still loves him." And he hoped one day that Barty would love God back, as he did, and then they could both return home. "We are both sinners but we still have a chance to go back. I think. If we work hard."
"I'm not sure about all that, but I know one thing for sure. Barty really likes you. He loves you a lot. He's told me." Well, not explicitly, but close enough. Especially for a guy like that, who had grown up under those circumstances. "He talked about how smart you are, how bright and sweet. He thinks you're an amazing little guy, that's why I'm so glad I get to meet you."
Hopefully he could make it through and past all that brainwashing. "See, I'm here to figure out whether it's good for you to stay with Barty. I can't let you stay with him if you don't like him or if he might be bad to you. Do you think he'll take good care of you?"
"I don't know. He got me a bear and he has a room full of books... but he paints his nails." So Aziraphale was unsure, honestly, when asked to make a judgement call. He frowned at Gunn as he tried to work out what the right answer was. "My dad said he was a very bad boy, that he drinks and takes substances and probably plays with 'rent boys'. I'm not sure what they are, I just overheard father say it and it was a bad thing. And he--"
Aziraphale checked that no one could hear and then leaned forward a little. "He does kiss boys..." Did that make a difference? He wasn't sure. He looked at Gunn, hoping his adult judgement could help him understand if that made him safe or not. "I'm not sure if it's safe. With Bartemius. Will it let the devil into me?"
"I don't think so, sweetheart. For one thing, I doubt your brother has much time for any of that, drinking, drugs or boys right now. He's working and studying for a super important exam, so I bet he's real busy." That was the impression he had gotten, anyway. Barty had several books in a corner of this room, even, because he'd been studying while Aziraphale was asleep.
"Anyway. I don't believe that it's bad to kiss boys. Or girls. If you find someone you want to kiss that wants to kiss you too and you are the same age, it's a good idea to kiss. If you are old enough, anyway."
Aziraphale didn't like to argue. He had watched his brothers yelling at people in the street and arguing with them but it seemed wrong to do it all that way. Kissing boys seemed 'wrong' in concept, with all he knew from the bible, but it seemed cruel to point it out constantly. To hurt the sinners. He didn't like the idea much. "Barty reads a lot. He doesn't seem like how my father suggested but maybe it's because I'm -- I'm missing something."
He had to be. It made sense that he was. He looked down, feeling such anxiety run through him. "Does father really want to never, ever see me again? I didn't do anything bad. I was trying. I only played dress up once and never, ever again. I said sorry. And I didn't use the restrooms like they said and I--It was a penguin..." Aziraphale trailed off, awkward and unsure. "I did my homework and I prayed every day."
"All right, Aziraphale. I need you to imagine something for me." Gunn reached out for the bear that was so sweetly tucked in bed next to Aziraphale, holding it up in front of him. "Imagine if the bear here was a young child. Your little sister or brother, yeah? And imagine they were sick, like you are now. You are smarter and older, so if they told you that they felt hot and their head hurt, you'd be a good boy and tell them to drink something and to lie down, yeah?"
Damn, he hated neglectful families. "Your family, for them you are the little one. And they are old enough and smart enough to know how to take care of you. But instead they endangered you. It's your family's fault that you got sick. Not yours. And that's why they shouldn't see you again, because you need to be taken care of. Like Barty wants to."
"I didn't tell them properly though. I was ... I was embarrassed. In the morning. I'm not allowed to talk about--about-- about it." He mumbled at the end, stumbling over his words as he took the bear gently from Gunn and cradled it in his arms, almost like a baby. He always wanted a doll but his family were horrified at the idea. It was a shame, dolls seemed like a lot of fun. "I would have come. If my little brother was sick. I don't know why they didn't come, I think I must have been really bad."
Otherwise, it was just hard to get his head around. That it was their fault. That they were the bad ones and not him. "I didn't want to not go to school. I've never been to a zoo before, I really wanted to go. And dad always says that if you can stand, you can go to school."
"I know. I know, Aziraphale. I get it. But that's all not your fault. You are the child. The adults are supposed to take care of you. And I've been checking some thing and I don't think they took good care of you at all." It was horrifying, quite frankly. He wished he could have intervened sooner. "I think Barty will take good care of you now. He got you the bear, right? A bear is a really cool friend. You can tell your bear anything and you won't have to feel alone with it. But you can tell Barty things too. Or me. No matter how embarrassed."
"Okay, thank you." He didn't want to tell Gunn or Barty about embarrassing things but it was nice. That they offered. That they cared. He pulled the plush bear into a hug and nodded his head. "So do I go home with Barty when I'm better?" Was that why they picked out sheets and things today? He supposed it all made a lot of sense.
He wasn't sure how to feel but he knew by now that going home was unlikely. "He read to me. When I was sick. He's quite nice, isn't he?" For a sinner, he was sweet.
"Yes, I think he's a really nice guy. He's cool too. And wicked smart! I took a few courses with him in uni and he was the gold star student. Always got the highest scores out of everyone." Gunn smiled at Aziraphale, hoping that admiring his brother would make him trust him a little more. Want to live with him, because he did think he was a good guy. Complicated, troubled past, but a good guy. "You'll go home with him when the hospital is letting you leave. But then I'll still come by quite a lot, just to check whether everything is all right with you."
"Oh, okay. Maybe next time, I can make you a drink." Well, that seemed like a polite thing to do. Aziraphale smiled and then looked around to try and find something he could offer. He eventually picked up a snickers bar he had and held it out, wanting to be a hospitable sort. "Do you want something to eat? I bet you have to eat a lot, you're big and strong. You're so tall."
Aziraphale smiled at him. He was a nice man and he was sure he was so, so strong. He could give Gabriel a run for his money.
"That's really nice of you. Look at you, you're the sweetest little boy." Gunn accepted the snickers bar, since Aziraphale seemed so eager to give him something. Besides, who didn't love snickers? "I'm pretty tall and strong, yeah. Come in handy when someone needs something off a high shelf."
At least he brought that much to the table. "You'll live in a different place now, Aziraphale, so once you go back to school, it will be a new school. Your brother is looking at the options for schools right now. Between the two of us, it's a much better school district than the last one. You'll be in a super nice school, I bet."
"I hope so. I didn't like my school much." He didn't really have any friends but sometimes, he did play with the girls. The boys always called him a loser and he supposed he proved them right. He was the weird religious smart kid who hated football and rough-housing, so it really did set him apart. "I hope I can make friends this time."
He looked anxiously at the door, wondering if Barty knew all of this. "Is Barty okay to have me stay?"
"Barty really wants you to, yeah. He's doing everything he has to so he can keep you. He's being a really good brother. Good guardian." Gunn frowned, glancing at the door and then looking back at Aziraphale. "You know, Barty and you grew up in the same family. So even if he is a lot older, you have some stuff in common. And I bet Barty wasn't taken care of well as a kid either. So now he wants to take care of you."
Gunn smiled, giving a thumbs up. "You can come visit me at the youth centre too. You'll definitely make friends there. Everyone does. And it's not that far from your new house."
"Barty was always quiet. I wonder if he's shy." Aziraphale mused as he watched the door, wondering what it would be like to live with Barty, for however long they tried. Maybe he could help Barty too. With studying and with the house. He could clean and he was old enough to learn other chores. He could even read to Barty when he was tired. They could pray, redeem and return to God together.
With a small frown, he looked at Gunn for a few moments before tentatively asking. "Are we friends?" Well, was that how it worked? He really wasn't sure. "We don't have to be..."
"Yeah, Aziraphale. We are friends. But we'll make sure you've friends that are your age too, that's more fun." Gunn grinned, holding a hand out to Aziraphale. Might as well teach him. "Gimme five. Just slap my hand, yeah? That's how friends say hello and goodbye."
Kind of, anyway. "And then I'll ask Barty back inside. I bet he's brought you a nice snack, he said he was gonna." Seemed like a sweet gesture.
He highfive Gunn in the gentlest way anyone ever had, more like he was holding his hand for a brief moment than slapping it. He didn't want to hurt him. With a smile, he pulled his hand back and nodded. "You can invite Barty back in. I won't tell him what we talked about." He assumed it was a secret so he could avoid telling.
He pulled his book over and set it into his lap again, happy to look at Peter Pan once more. "Thank you for the 'hang'." There. He was cool.
"You can tell him if you want to. And you can also tell me if there's ever anything bad. If you think Barty isn't taking care of you so well, you let me know, yeah?" Gunn got up and headed for the door. As soon as he opened it, Barty walked in, heading over to Aziraphale's bed and handing him a brown paper bag. "It's a brownie. Chocolate. You'll like chocolate."
He was convinced of it. "I like it too, if it's dark." Not so much the milk chocolate one, but he supposed that might be different for kids.
"Chocolate is delicious," Gunn enthused, "You have to try, Aziraphale!"
Aziraphale had chocolate once or twice, when he was very young, but he hadn't had it in a long time. Once he had biscuits that had chocolate pieces because Michael realised and took them away. That was such a cool day. He looked at the brownie and pulled it out, eating some of it curiously.
And his tiny eyes lit up like he just found a miracle on Earth.
He looked at Charles in awe. "It's fantastic!" With a smile, he looked at Barty, feeling so taken by his brother. His smart brother, who was studying, who had a library, who brought him cakes. "Thank you." Barty was so cool.
"You're welcome." That came out stilted and Barty rolled his eyes at himself, sitting down on the bed next to Aziraphale and tucking him against himself as had become habit by now. Aziraphale looked better today, clear eyes, less feverish. He was definitely improving and his face when eating a brownie was priceless. "Just wait until I introduce you to pizza."
So much fun ahead of them in the culinary department.
"You two have fun," Gunn said with a laugh, heading for the door, "See you soon, take care!"
With that, he was gone, and Barty focused fully on Aziraphale. "Did you two have a good chat?"
"He told me what you told me. That I can't go back. But he said it's not my fault but ... I still think it kind of is." He could have done better, tried harder and he wanted to go home some day but for now, it wasn't so bad. He had a brownie and he had Barty, sitting with him, touching him. When was the last time he had that? He couldn't really remember. Dad didn't really get close to him and his siblings weren't interested. It was strange but nice.
"I'm gonna live with you, aren't I?" Aziraphale kept eating and his eyes drifted to Barty's nails. They had chipped black paint on them. "I think it will all be okay in the end. We are loved, Barty. So we will be okay. Together."
He reached out without thinking and touched one of the nails with his fingers before he caught himself and pulled away. "Sorry."
"I don't mind. You can touch them, if you like." He held his hand still for Aziraphale, watching him explore it. "Something I learned is that there's ways to be yourself and one of them is to express yourself. It's with how you dress or how you talk. How you make yourself look, smell, feel. And it's nice to show your personality that way."
He smiled briefly. "As long as your personality isn't terrible. I'd imagine it'd not end well for some of our family."
"I think it's okay that you paint your nails but Michael said it's an affront to God. I think it's pretty... but I--I don't--" He didn't want to upset God, he even looked up as if he had said something wrong and God was coming to smite him. When nothing happened, he swallowed hard and looked at Barty's hand curiously.
"What do you study?" He knew Barty was a smart boy who studied, it was really cool of him. "Charles said you were smart."
"I think God would have better things to worry about than nail colours, don't you think? It's just something different. Something fun." He turned his hands a little, so Aziraphale could keep looking at them if he wanted to.
"I study law. Well. I've finished studying law, really. Now I'm working at an office and I am studying for the big exam that will make it so I can practise as a lawyer. Because I'm here for you right now, I'm mostly working remotely."
And studying. And he was so very ready to sleep in an actual bed again.
"I can help, if you want me too. I'm good at writing, my teacher said so. And I clean really well." Aziraphale promised Barty as he kept touching Barty's hand. Not just his nails now but looking at his fingers, his palm, the lines that run along it. He didn't know Barty but he liked Barty so far. He didn't seem like a sinner, not really.
"We have to take care of each other now, brother. It's just us, isn't it?"
Outcasts from God but they could make it work. If they stuck together. He stroked the inside of Barty's palm, eyes on it.
"Yeah. It's just us. But you can believe that I'll always try to be the best I can be for you. And I'll believe the same of you. That's a pretty strong belief. We have each other, so we are lucky." In some ways, at least. Honestly, he just really wanted Aziraphale to believe that. He didn't want the boy to lose that spark of hope inside him. The brightness.
"For now, you've got to make sure you get better fast, so you can come home with me." Would make life a lot easier. "Should I read to you? Which book do you want?"
"I'm up to here in Peter Pan." Holding the book out to Barty, he slid close to him and watched him curiously for a few moments before he snuggled up close to him and pulled his bear along too. They were be fine, right? Soon they would go home and he could eat brownies and make a nice room and one day, when he was a good boy, he could see his family again.
For now, why not enjoy what he had? Why not have fun with Barty?
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thearrangement2023-04-23 07:14 pm
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By choice, he had as little contact as possible, not that they wanted to see him anyway. They were happy to take his money, always happy to receive donations, but his presence? of course not.
Still, when he got the call from Wesley, he didn't hesitate. He made sure he had all identification he had on him and made his way over to the hospital. He was an emergency contact, they apparently just hadn't tried ringing him yet. He had to be an emergency contact, as they needed one person with a different address and that was only true of him, with the rest of his family all living in the compound.
The compound that really wasn't that far from the hospital, yet they could not be bothered. When he got there, Aziraphale was still unconscious. Had been for a long time, apparently. After convincing everyone he had a right to be there, he eventually got to sit next to the sleeping Aziraphale. He sat in the chair, a hand on Aziraphale's burning forehead, hoping, because he didn't believe in anything worth praying to.
After hours, when he had nodded off a little, pearls of sweat had formed under his hand. Sweating was a good sign, the nurse told him, meant the fever was breaking. They looked at Aziraphale, they gave him more infusions, they sent him away for a while and he returned with a bear. Adorable bear that had the colour of Aziraphale's hair and was wearing a white 'Feel better soon!' shirt with a rainbow under it. He'd never had anything like that when he was a child - he still had nothing like that - but it seemed like a child like Aziraphale should have something like it.
He walked back into the room, hearing Aziraphale ask the nurse some questions. Not wanting to interrupt, he merely set the bear down at the foot of Aziraphale's bed.
"Ohh, you are a lucky boy. Your big brother brought you a bear, didn't he? And he's not even married!" The nurse felt that part was lucky, anyway.
Barty just looked at Aziraphale and gave a nod. He was looking better, some healthier colour to his face. And he was eating pudding, so there was that.
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He didn't remember Barty coming, he didn't remember much after the zoo trip honestly. He remembered needing to pee all day, going around the enclosures and feeling a bit off. He couldn't eat either. He remembered - unfortunately - wetting himself in front of his classmates and them laughing. Then he didn't remember anything much after that. Would have been nice if he could have forgotten the embarrassing part.
All he knew now was what the nurse told him when he asked questions. That he had been very sick, that he came here in an ambulance and that his family was here. Well, no, his family wasn't here but Barty was... Barty didn't feel like family.
He tilted his head back and looked at Barty timidly. He was tall, dark haired, unshaven and he had black finger nails. He didn't smile but he didn't seem wholly unfriendly.
And there was a bear. Why? Was it really for him?
"Hello." Aziraphale greeted politely before eating more pudding, eyes still on his far removed brother. "I'm sorry, I was a little sick. I do hope they didn't bother you, I don't want to make a fuss."
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Obviously. He just wanted to ensure that Aziraphale knew it. "Looked cute like you."
That had been his reasoning, so if Aziraphale questioned the why, that was the answer. "How are you feeling right now, Aziraphale? I know you're still sick."
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"Did you call father?" He wasn't sure but he assumed father would be mad at him for embarrassing himself publicly like that so maybe that was why Barty was here. Maybe they were mad. "Or Michael?"
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He looked at the nurse who nodded her understanding and told Aziraphale she would be back later before leaving the room, closing the door behind her. Barty sighed and looked back at Aziraphale.
"There's a man here from social services, he'll talk to you a bit about your home life. What happened, the way you got sick, that's not your fault. But it is our family's fault."
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He didn't want to be kicked out. He would repent, he would try, he would do anything but he really wanted to go home. To his room, his books, his bedsheets and clothes. He knew things weren't going to be that easy and the dread sank in as he looked at Barty.
Was he being kicked out? Left with the other outsiders? That was why Barty came.
His eyes welled up with tears. "I'm a good boy, I swear. I pray every day and I'm working so hard to make up for it. You have to tell them! I won't do anything wrong again. I won't read bad books or play dress up or anything. Please, tell him!" He looked desperately at Barty, hands clasped together.
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He was still running hot, still had a bit of a fever. And he was sad, desperately sad and crying. "I want you with me, Aziraphale. I want to take care of you."
And he wanted him to have a childhood. One where he could play dress up and read whatever books he wanted.
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Sniffling, he wiped his face on his sleeve.
"Why do you want me?" Did he see the sinner in him? He had to. It was obvious.
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Barty imagined that Aziraphale probably couldn't even properly imagine that. At his age, he had gone to the library sometimes by himself. Often, even. He had wanted to live there and be left alone forever. He read books he didn't understand and once that felt wrong, read everything he could. These days, they lived further away from the library and he was sure that Aziraphale was under tighter watch, but still. A room full of books? He remembered the sense of wonder that filled him with. "I want to keep you safe and make you happy. Take care of you."
Simple enough.
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His eyes widened a little when he realised he almost said Barty's name. That would have been more unfortunate. Though now it was not exactly subtle, he sort of hung in the air.
"I read the Jungle Book recently. I liked it a lot."
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Imparting words of wisdom. "I brought a book for you to read while you're in hospital. You'll have to stay at least two or three more days, but I'll be here as often as possible."
He moved to reach his bag, pulling out the illustrated copy of The Hobbit. It was beautiful and looked special, boxed and bound in green and gold. He held it out for Aziraphale to have a closer look. "I'll bring another book tomorrow. Do you know Peter Pan?"
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"It's by Tolkien! I've never read anything by him but I know the name. In a few of the forewords of books I've read, many speak highly of him." With a smile, he stroked the cover lovingly and then looked at Barty curiously. "I know Peter Pan but I've never had chance to read it. It had magic in it, so it's close to Satan... fantasy is off limits." And he hated that because fantasy seemed the most fun.
"I believe there are fairies in it, yes?"
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So, there was the promised magic. "I think you'll like it a lot. If you want, I could start reading it to you."
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Aziraphale should repent and be better but truth be told, he was a little annoyed at God. He made him wet himself, get sick and lose his family so honestly - he was a bit sour on the good word. "I love hearing stories, Bartemius. Oh-- Are you an elder or are you just by your name? You left the church, I suppose."
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Maybe that wasn't most children's idea of a great outing, but he had a feeling Aziraphale might agree with him.
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He slid along the bed as much as he could and then looked at Barty. "You can sit beside me, if you'd like. Then I can see the pictures..." He didn't mind Barty, even if he was a little scary and his nails were painted. How bad could he be? If he was going to read and all.
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It wasn't that long before he realised that Aziraphale was asleep, so he stopped reading, gently setting the book aside. He let Aziraphale sleep tucked against him, because when he tried to move he seemed upset. It was a strange feeling. He wanted Aziraphale to feel safe.
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Maybe it would make a difference once he could actually take him home. At least the lion and rainbow bedding he had picked was adorable and should be easy to build a theme around.
He had left for a bit now, to talk to social services, and now he had come back with one of the workers, walking in alongside him. Charles Gunn, he seemed vaguely familiar. Friendly guy, very handsome, he was fairly sure he was into men but Barty was trying to be professional here.
"All right, Aziraphale?" He tried a smile, stepping up to the bed. "That's the person I told you about who wants to speak to you."
"Hi, Aziraphale." Gunn waved. "Nice to meet you."
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He had checked before when nurses came in to talk to him.
"I'm a bit sick but it's not contagious. It is bacterial but what I have, you can't catch it." Aziraphale assured Gunn, in case it was something he was worried about. He didn't want people to get concerned. He didn't say what he had, it was a little embarrassing. His bladder was infected, apparently - whatever that meant. He assumed it was something he did wrong.
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He'd not be surprised if that scared Aziraphale a little, but he had to try and win his trust and get some questions answered without anyone listening in. "What book are you reading?"
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"I'm reading Peter Pan. My brother brought it for me. We both like reading. I learned it yesterday." Aziraphale clarified as he closed the book and set it aside so no one could touch it. He had never seen a man quite like Gunn before. He was tall and his skin was dark, he had a strange accent and the way he spoke was so very casual. "Are you American?"
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"I'll get you a snack," he promised. With that he left and Gunn waited for the door to close before turning to Aziraphale again with a friendly smile. "He's a cool dude, your brother. Are you two getting along? I know you haven't had much of a chance to be friends yet, but it seems like you're hitting it off?" He was hoping as much, would really make this easy for him. Ideal for Aziraphale.
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With a small smile, he looked where Barty had gone and then bit his lower lip. "I do not think Barty is evil though. Or ungrateful, really. He's just wayward. He left because he lost faith but God still loves him." And he hoped one day that Barty would love God back, as he did, and then they could both return home. "We are both sinners but we still have a chance to go back. I think. If we work hard."
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Hopefully he could make it through and past all that brainwashing. "See, I'm here to figure out whether it's good for you to stay with Barty. I can't let you stay with him if you don't like him or if he might be bad to you. Do you think he'll take good care of you?"
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Aziraphale checked that no one could hear and then leaned forward a little. "He does kiss boys..." Did that make a difference? He wasn't sure. He looked at Gunn, hoping his adult judgement could help him understand if that made him safe or not. "I'm not sure if it's safe. With Bartemius. Will it let the devil into me?"
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"Anyway. I don't believe that it's bad to kiss boys. Or girls. If you find someone you want to kiss that wants to kiss you too and you are the same age, it's a good idea to kiss. If you are old enough, anyway."
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He had to be. It made sense that he was. He looked down, feeling such anxiety run through him. "Does father really want to never, ever see me again? I didn't do anything bad. I was trying. I only played dress up once and never, ever again. I said sorry. And I didn't use the restrooms like they said and I--It was a penguin..." Aziraphale trailed off, awkward and unsure. "I did my homework and I prayed every day."
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Damn, he hated neglectful families. "Your family, for them you are the little one. And they are old enough and smart enough to know how to take care of you. But instead they endangered you. It's your family's fault that you got sick. Not yours. And that's why they shouldn't see you again, because you need to be taken care of. Like Barty wants to."
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Otherwise, it was just hard to get his head around. That it was their fault. That they were the bad ones and not him. "I didn't want to not go to school. I've never been to a zoo before, I really wanted to go. And dad always says that if you can stand, you can go to school."
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He wasn't sure how to feel but he knew by now that going home was unlikely. "He read to me. When I was sick. He's quite nice, isn't he?" For a sinner, he was sweet.
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Aziraphale smiled at him. He was a nice man and he was sure he was so, so strong. He could give Gabriel a run for his money.
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At least he brought that much to the table. "You'll live in a different place now, Aziraphale, so once you go back to school, it will be a new school. Your brother is looking at the options for schools right now. Between the two of us, it's a much better school district than the last one. You'll be in a super nice school, I bet."
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He looked anxiously at the door, wondering if Barty knew all of this. "Is Barty okay to have me stay?"
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Gunn smiled, giving a thumbs up. "You can come visit me at the youth centre too. You'll definitely make friends there. Everyone does. And it's not that far from your new house."
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With a small frown, he looked at Gunn for a few moments before tentatively asking. "Are we friends?" Well, was that how it worked? He really wasn't sure. "We don't have to be..."
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Kind of, anyway. "And then I'll ask Barty back inside. I bet he's brought you a nice snack, he said he was gonna." Seemed like a sweet gesture.
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He pulled his book over and set it into his lap again, happy to look at Peter Pan once more. "Thank you for the 'hang'." There. He was cool.
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He was convinced of it. "I like it too, if it's dark." Not so much the milk chocolate one, but he supposed that might be different for kids.
"Chocolate is delicious," Gunn enthused, "You have to try, Aziraphale!"
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And his tiny eyes lit up like he just found a miracle on Earth.
He looked at Charles in awe. "It's fantastic!" With a smile, he looked at Barty, feeling so taken by his brother. His smart brother, who was studying, who had a library, who brought him cakes. "Thank you." Barty was so cool.
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So much fun ahead of them in the culinary department.
"You two have fun," Gunn said with a laugh, heading for the door, "See you soon, take care!"
With that, he was gone, and Barty focused fully on Aziraphale. "Did you two have a good chat?"
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"I'm gonna live with you, aren't I?" Aziraphale kept eating and his eyes drifted to Barty's nails. They had chipped black paint on them. "I think it will all be okay in the end. We are loved, Barty. So we will be okay. Together."
He reached out without thinking and touched one of the nails with his fingers before he caught himself and pulled away. "Sorry."
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He smiled briefly. "As long as your personality isn't terrible. I'd imagine it'd not end well for some of our family."
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"What do you study?" He knew Barty was a smart boy who studied, it was really cool of him. "Charles said you were smart."
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"I study law. Well. I've finished studying law, really. Now I'm working at an office and I am studying for the big exam that will make it so I can practise as a lawyer. Because I'm here for you right now, I'm mostly working remotely."
And studying. And he was so very ready to sleep in an actual bed again.
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"We have to take care of each other now, brother. It's just us, isn't it?"
Outcasts from God but they could make it work. If they stuck together. He stroked the inside of Barty's palm, eyes on it.
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"For now, you've got to make sure you get better fast, so you can come home with me." Would make life a lot easier. "Should I read to you? Which book do you want?"
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For now, why not enjoy what he had? Why not have fun with Barty?