"Well, I had a stack of books but we have no lights in the house and the candles are only for service so ... I've been getting very into meditation. It's, uh, it's nice. It's my new thing." Which was that when the sun set at 7ish, he lay on his bed and tried to think positively and talk to God. Mostly he was asking why he had to be cold and in the dark lately. And why, oh why, had he been doomed to be in love with a boy like this? He was in love with Crowley. Anthony J Crowley.
He was madly, stupidly in love with Anthony J Crowley.
Why was God testing him? Probably because of his weak will. Probably become he ate another pocky and kissed the boyfriend he shouldn't even have. Aziraphale decided it was best to not eat any more, making small distance and shaking his head at the next offer because it was unwise to damn himself two fold in one day. "As you say, not much going on around here, is there?"
"Huh. That sounds bleeding boring, doesn't it? What the hell you doing that for?" He supposed to lack of option. No lights, no electricity. Damn, he wished he could do something to help out Aziraphale, but what could he... Well, nothing. Aziraphale was stepping away from him, not too surprising, clearly they had reached the high point of the guilt spiral again.
It was so difficult. And he'd known it would be, but sometimes it still made him want to sigh and always it made him angry. Whatever. He couldn't despair over this. "I could pick you up, you know. Meet you outside your place, we could go somewhere together."
Huh. "Just us. All secret, no worries." Where would they even go? Limited places, but he'd think of something somehow.
"I don't know." Guilt spiral and all, it was making it hard to think of doing anything but then, the fear of Crowley being out without him was also looming in his head too. What if he went out to a party again or something? Went out with Felix, that stupid alpha gay with his tight jeans and boldness. He was out and he had no fears, he was handsome too and yesterday, in math class, he gave Crowley a pencil. And Crowley chewed that pencil.
They basically kissed! And if he wasn't kissing Crowley, he might be kissing someone else. Like tight pants Felix. And look, Crowley was frowning. That judgement frown. Crowley would get sick of him and go off with all the other handsome gays in town if he didn't do something fast.
"We could go to the park!" Okay, maybe he yelled that a little loud but he was not willing to be defeated. "Go to that one bench we like. Near the ducks!" Aziraphale tried, desperate to make it seem exciting so Crowley wouldn't want to go to some ... gay burlesque evening or whatever. "If it rains, there's always the bandstand! I could bring something fun for us to do. We could -- oh! I have travel uno." Exciting stuff.
"Sounds fun." Well, it didn't, but Crowley didn't doubt that it would be fun. Being around Aziraphale was always fun, talking to him, looking at him, making him laugh. Or, well, watching him freak out the way he clearly was right now was also entertaining. He chuckled and then reached out, cupping the side of Aziraphale's face with one hand. "Hey. It's all good, angel. I don't mind the park. It's a good time, innit?"
He knew that Aziraphale's circumstances were oppressive. He was grateful just to meet up for a bit. "We can feed the ducks some. Maybe we'll even hold hands again. Scandalous stuff."
"I don't want to be boring. It will improve when I go to university, I know it will. Then I'll have my own place and we can--can hang. As it were." If he got lucky and could go to university. As it stood, odds were not good but he was hoping he got good GCSES and then A levels and then university. Then he could have people over. And that was like what 3-4 years. Tops. Not bad, in the grand scheme of things. "I could go to the centre with you this weekend too. The shopping place. I don't have money but we could browse."
He bet Felix had money. He looked like he had money. He could take Crowley shopping, buy him a nice latte or something. He couldn't buy him a latte, he didn't have the money. And he didn't like coffee - well, he hadn't tried it. He was banned from caffeine. It was a drug, after all.
He smiled and leaned into the touch, just happy that Crowley was willing to pretend but he didn't want him to have to. He wanted to actually give him a good time. "I like holding hands. Being with you. Kissing. I like your one hoodie, the black one with the--the flames? You know. That one is nice. Soft. I like when you hold me and you're wearing it." Dear God, how red did he get? Why did he always go red, it was so embarrassing!! He wanted to be a sexy, confident gay but here he was - a dumb tomato.
"...all right, angel. Aziraphale, I need you to listen to me. Never, not since I've known you, not for a moment, have you haver been boring." In fact, sometimes he felt as if there was a bit too much going on, at least inside that head. He reached up to ruffle his hair, loving how soft the curls felt. "I'll wear that hoodie then. Tonight. And when we go to the centre this weekend. We can find somewhere to sneak off. It's exciting, I think."
He didn't mind the secrecy. Saved him some grief too, he supposed. He just wished Aziraphale could let himself simply be happy when they were together, just them. That he could relax. And, yeah, sure, that they could properly make out. But he was patient. He was sure it'd happen one day. "I've got some money, so we can buy something at the centre. Get ice cream." Or something less sinful. "Tea." Maybe that?
"Look, angel, I've no idea whether I'll ever go to university. But I know that I'll go where you go." It was a simple statement, but it rang so true. "I'm not letting you get away from me. So stop fretting."
"Oh. Well. Okay. Okay, yes, I will. I certainly will." Aziraphale smiled, a great big beaming smile, and then the bell rang out, warning them that class was going to start up soon. "Well, time for English, I suppose. I hate that we don't have class together these days." Aziraphale was in top set for everything and Crowley had, over the years, slowly sauntered downwards to the lower sets. So he could share with Felix and the like. He hated it. He had managed to get himself a set lower in math so they could share one class but he was still so mortified and guilty over it.
"Do you want to walk home today? I can wait for you. Even if you have detention." It was better to sit on a bench than go home early without some Crowley time. "Do you -- do you have detention?" He was always disappointed that Crowley was a bad boy but it was... thrilling. Sexy. Kind of. Sometimes.
"Nah, I should be good." He thought it over for a moment, just to be sure, then nodded. "Yeah, I'm good. Unless he checks the math homework right away, then I'm in for it, but he never does on Thursdays." So he felt he was pretty safe. "We can walk home together. And I'm sorry, angel, but we are different, you and I. Can't all be as smart as you are."
He knew they had to leave, but he suddenly wrapped an arm around Aziraphale and pulled him close, right up against himself. "It's dead sexy, that. Clever clogs like you." That said, he kissed him. Kissed him properly, right on the mouth. And then he pulled away, with a wide smirk, taking a step back. "We should get to class, huh?"
"... Oh." That was a thing that just happened. A kiss. A very proper, lovely kiss that flustered him so hard that he couldn't move for a few moments, dumbstruck by the kiss. It was a nice kiss. Bold, playful, romantic - hopefully. It was, wasn't it? Was it?! Or was it a play to distract him or cover something up or -- why was he down that trail of thought?! It was Crowley! He shook himself out of it and smiled awkwardly at Crowley.
"Yes, yes! Definitely. Erm, outside at 3.20pm. I'll wait by the gates. I'll -- I'll think of you." He called out for -- for some reason he could not say. Think of him? What? Why? What was he? An old lady reminiscing. Urgh. "See you soon!"
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thearrangement2023-04-09 08:18 pm
no subject
He was madly, stupidly in love with Anthony J Crowley.
Why was God testing him? Probably because of his weak will. Probably become he ate another pocky and kissed the boyfriend he shouldn't even have. Aziraphale decided it was best to not eat any more, making small distance and shaking his head at the next offer because it was unwise to damn himself two fold in one day. "As you say, not much going on around here, is there?"
no subject
It was so difficult. And he'd known it would be, but sometimes it still made him want to sigh and always it made him angry. Whatever. He couldn't despair over this. "I could pick you up, you know. Meet you outside your place, we could go somewhere together."
Huh. "Just us. All secret, no worries." Where would they even go? Limited places, but he'd think of something somehow.
no subject
They basically kissed! And if he wasn't kissing Crowley, he might be kissing someone else. Like tight pants Felix. And look, Crowley was frowning. That judgement frown. Crowley would get sick of him and go off with all the other handsome gays in town if he didn't do something fast.
"We could go to the park!" Okay, maybe he yelled that a little loud but he was not willing to be defeated. "Go to that one bench we like. Near the ducks!" Aziraphale tried, desperate to make it seem exciting so Crowley wouldn't want to go to some ... gay burlesque evening or whatever. "If it rains, there's always the bandstand! I could bring something fun for us to do. We could -- oh! I have travel uno." Exciting stuff.
no subject
He knew that Aziraphale's circumstances were oppressive. He was grateful just to meet up for a bit. "We can feed the ducks some. Maybe we'll even hold hands again. Scandalous stuff."
no subject
He bet Felix had money. He looked like he had money. He could take Crowley shopping, buy him a nice latte or something. He couldn't buy him a latte, he didn't have the money. And he didn't like coffee - well, he hadn't tried it. He was banned from caffeine. It was a drug, after all.
He smiled and leaned into the touch, just happy that Crowley was willing to pretend but he didn't want him to have to. He wanted to actually give him a good time. "I like holding hands. Being with you. Kissing. I like your one hoodie, the black one with the--the flames? You know. That one is nice. Soft. I like when you hold me and you're wearing it." Dear God, how red did he get? Why did he always go red, it was so embarrassing!! He wanted to be a sexy, confident gay but here he was - a dumb tomato.
no subject
He didn't mind the secrecy. Saved him some grief too, he supposed. He just wished Aziraphale could let himself simply be happy when they were together, just them. That he could relax. And, yeah, sure, that they could properly make out. But he was patient. He was sure it'd happen one day. "I've got some money, so we can buy something at the centre. Get ice cream." Or something less sinful. "Tea." Maybe that?
"Look, angel, I've no idea whether I'll ever go to university. But I know that I'll go where you go." It was a simple statement, but it rang so true. "I'm not letting you get away from me. So stop fretting."
no subject
"Do you want to walk home today? I can wait for you. Even if you have detention." It was better to sit on a bench than go home early without some Crowley time. "Do you -- do you have detention?" He was always disappointed that Crowley was a bad boy but it was... thrilling. Sexy. Kind of. Sometimes.
no subject
He knew they had to leave, but he suddenly wrapped an arm around Aziraphale and pulled him close, right up against himself. "It's dead sexy, that. Clever clogs like you." That said, he kissed him. Kissed him properly, right on the mouth. And then he pulled away, with a wide smirk, taking a step back. "We should get to class, huh?"
no subject
"Yes, yes! Definitely. Erm, outside at 3.20pm. I'll wait by the gates. I'll -- I'll think of you." He called out for -- for some reason he could not say. Think of him? What? Why? What was he? An old lady reminiscing. Urgh. "See you soon!"