"Oh my God, I don't care about the sodding ring, Crowley. He's taken. Mate, come on, he's with someone and you should move on. It's better for you. I never thought I'd agree with Felix but let's take you out and get laid." Since they met up, it was about Aziraphale and what he was like and how he looked the same, the ring and the boyfriend - it was very tedious.
"Even if he isn't over you, the way he dumped you? Fucking hell, I would wring his neck. Why the fuck would you want him back?"
Rolling his eyes, Bill kicked a nearby can ahead of them, turning around to kick it to Crowley like it was a football, trying to get him to engage a little with something more fun and playful.
"Look, as I was saying. Man U is playing so let's go to a pub together. A gay one. See if we can't get you a new boy."
"I ain't saying I'm thrilled about the way he dumped me, but he left to go on mission immediately after, so given everything... Going to have to put a lot of blame on the fundamentalist circumstances." Crowley was just saying. Although, yes, it still smarted. Still knocked his confidence. And, no, he hadn't found it in him to look for a serious relationship since then, in spite of Felix's - and sometimes Bill's - insistence. "True love is something special, made, innit? You get it. I know Felix has to pretend he doesn't get it, but I know you do."
So, yes, he was angry, but less with Aziraphale directly and more with the circumstances. "Anyway, it ain't even about getting him back and all that rubbish. I just want to know he's all right. And happy. Because I don't think he is. That bloke ain't right for him, that stupid American toerag."
He kicked the can back without really thinking about it. Friendship with Bill came with a lot of kicking of things, he was a lad like that. "What kind of new boy would I meet at a pub watching Man U?"
"I don't know if he's ever going to change though. He went on a mission and now he's with another radical Christian loon. It ain't worth your time. Besides, there isn't one true love. There's gotta be some options, it can't be this shitty. If you love someone and they're garbage, what then?" Seemed a little unfair. He felt there had to be a few options for love, especially for Crowley. He deserved someone that loved him back, open and proud, and that would never been Aziraphale.
Bill kicked the can back, grinning at Crowley. "Yeah, yeah, I know, you fucking hate the new boyfriend - I heard about it but come on, there's no way to know that. They might be close. Might be mad about each other. The party was weird circumstances, you kinda rubbed some salt into wounds is all. No one likes meeting the ex."
So far, Dallen sounded fine. Bit a prick but then, who wasn't these days. "Come on, forget him and let's find you a bloke I can get on with. I could never make heads nor tails of what Aziraphale was saying to me." So it could only get better. For him.
"I got him. Aziraphale. I really got him and I don't think anyone else ever will." He also kind of felt as if Aziraphale was the only person to ever really get him. All the parts of him. It wasn't even something he could explain, he was pretty sure Bill would laugh at him if he ever tried. And Bill was about the most sensitive friend he had, which was probably saying something. "We can go and find a bloke you can watch Man U with in a bit. Just want to feed the ducks some first."
He took Bill's upper arm and led him along. He was pretty sure he had spotted a certain shade of cream in the distance. The object of his interest might finally be coming. As he looked out at the lake to avoid alerting Bill to Aziraphale coming closer too early, he talked again. "What about Barty? You say there ain't one true love. What if he up and left you? Without warning. Just like that. You getting over it?"
"I'd kill myself, I think." Well, at least he was honest, if not a little too blunt about it. "I'm sure I could find love again but I dunno, I don't think I wanna go backwards. I had a lot of love and I was happy but I don't think I can just bounce back from him. It ain't just his love, it's the life, you know? I guess it means more than love, Barty." He wasn't just a great boyfriend but also his only chance to live in the world and be an actual successful (moderately, anyway) adult. "He wouldn't up and leave, anyway. He ain't a coward. He'd dump me to my face, at least."
That he knew for sure.
"Why are we feeding ducks? I ain't got nothing for the ducks." Bill pointed out as he patted himself down, turning his head to the side to see if there was any leftover food. Then he saw it too. The flash of cream. Then he heard a voice, off in the distance, and he felt it all adding up instantly.
"Dallen! Dallen, please! Slow down, I can't--"
Yeah, that was definitely Aziraphale, wheezing somewhere in the distance. Bill turned his head in time to see a very fit looking guy jogging along and Aziraphale, slowly flagging behind, looking utterly miserable. He sighed loudly. "Are you fucking kidding me, Crowley?"
Crowley had his head turned sideways, smiling without meaning to as he looked at Aziraphale. He didn't even realise it, but his heart was beating faster and he felt that old rush, that feeling of looking at Aziraphale. There was nothing like it. The only brightness he could look at that didn't hurt his eyes, just warmed his heart. And, admittedly, hurt his heart too these days.
"Is he jogging?!" He was only slowly making the connection here. "Why would he be jogging? What is wrong with-- That's not normal!"
He turned around, staring at him, while Dallen was also stopping, although he jogged in place and waited for Aziraphale.
"You are doing awesome, Aziraphale!"
"What a wanker. Just listen to that. Awesome." Mimicking him with a horrible American accent, Crowley shuddered exaggeratedly. "He's the worst."
"I can't believe this whole walk in the park was a fucking ruse to stalk your ex." Rolling his eyes, he watched the strong looking Mormon guy jog on the spot, thinking that getting into a fight with him would suck. Though he was ready to - he was a loyal friend, if nothing else.
"I'm really, really not. I have asthma and -- I prayed but it hasn't gone away. I would need an inhaler or--" Aziraphale bent double, struggling to breathe. It was kind of funny, seeing him in a t-shirt and jogging pants. That was strange. Thought they were still cream so he supposed right on aesthetic.
Bill snorted. Who thought taking that dork jogging was smart? "Man. He's jogging. He's wearing a t-shirt. That's so fucking weird."
Rolling his eyes, he gently tried to nudge Crowley away from the view. "Let's leave."
"I hear you, Aziraphale. But you got this!" Dallen kept on being annoyingly American, annoying and American and Crowley wanted to punch his way too white teeth out.
"He's making him suffer." Clearly. Aziraphale's face was so red by now. "Go over there, say hello."
He had to interfere somehow. "He is wearing a T-shirt. It's wrong."
Crowley made a move towards Aziraphale, a concerned look on his face. "I didn't know he'd be here," he hissed, "It's a coincidence. I just happen to like the ducks!"
They liked the ducks. They always came here. Didn't Aziraphale remember?
"I'm not going on there to say hello. Crowley. Crowley!" He reached out and tried to hold his friend in place but Crowley was stronger than him. Who wasn't? He was short, scrawny and he was stopping smoking but he still had the lungs of an eighty year old man. "Let's just look at the ducks. Come on, you like ducks!"
They were moving up the bank and Oh God, if he saw Crowley, they would yell and fight and he was trying so, so hard not to get into fights.
Aziraphale raised his sleeve to his face and tried to wipe the sweat again. "I suppose so, we should-- go again." He sounded so distraught and defeated. He didn't want to go again. He wanted to go home.
Bill, aware that Crowley was about to butt in, tried to shove them both behind a tree. "Don't make a scene." He hissed, desperate."
"It's just spooky if I watch him without saying hello. From behind a bloody tree!" Crowley felt he had a point. "I won't make a scene."
With that he stepped forward onto the path again, walking a few steps before 'spotting' Aziraphale. There was an airiness to his voice, he hoped. "Aziraphale? What a surprise."
Dallen turned to look at him. It was not a pleased look, which was quite something to get out of a trained missionary.
Crowley decided to act as if Dallen wasn't there. "Didn't know you jogged."
"...Crowley?" Ah. Perfect. A perfect way to make this whole thing worse. Aziraphale bent down and tried to catch his breathe, unsure how to approach any of this. He turned his head and noticed Bill sheepishly approaching too. "Hello, yes, hello, Crowley. Hello, Bill, it's been -- a long time."
"Alright, mate." Bill nodded in greeting, looking very sympathetic. He waved a little at Dallen. "I'm Bill. Crowley's mate. We're just feeding ducks."
"Oh, I love the ducks." Aziraphale lamented, missing when the park was about ducks and not about exercise. He looked at Dallen sheepishly and then back to Crowley. "But I'm here for jogging, yes. We job. I have a fitbit." He held it up to show Crowley is misery.
"Why?!" Crowley felt that was a good question. And he also noticed, like a punch in the gut, the lack of his ring on Aziraphale's finger. It made him reel more than he could have anticipated, so for a few moments he simply looked at Aziraphale in shared misery.
"We should get going, Aziraphale. No need for conduct with outsiders." Dallen simply wanted to get away from these two. So obviously, ostentatiously gay, if he had to describe it. Hardly proper. Even if he sat aside his issues with Crowley.
"What if we wanted to get converted? I feel like I'm ready to hear about the good book." Crowley raised his eyebrows. "Seems to have done wonders for you two. Quite the lie to be living, looks fun."
"Yes, well." Aziraphale looked quite unhappy, to have it pointed out, and he turned his head again to look off longingly at the ducks. It would be nice to just sit on a bench, feed the ducks, be with his lover. His boyfriend. Not be afraid of his family or someone finding out. God, he was tired. He just hated all of this, he wanted to be out. He wanted to be stupidly, idiotically, romantically in love and all he had was Dallen breathing down his neck over outsiders.
He looked at Crowley and swallowed hard. He missed him so much. He didn't think seeing him again would restart such a painful longing but there it was. All he wanted to do was hug him, he could see the pain in his eyes.
"Is it true that you'll get your own planet if you do all of this shit for God?" Bill asked and he just sounded genuinely curious.
Aziraphale took a deep breath and looked away from Crowley and to Bill. "I-I see it as a metaphor. Like with most things in the bible. There are other schools of thought but... I mean, really, the book is just trying to motivate good behaviours, I suppose."
"I'd love my own planet. With blackjack and hookers." Crowley said it ever so drily, referencing the meme. Based on how affronted Dallen looked, he did not get the meme. There was a shock, of course he didn't. Forbidden media and all that.
"As Aziraphale says, it is hardly meant to be taken so literally." Dallen rolled his eyes in annoyance and reached for Aziraphale's arm, pulling him closer. Holding him tightly. He didn't want him near Crowley. "Now, excuse us, we're not going to listen to some sinners mock our faith."
"Mock? Me? I'd never." Crowley assured them, looking from one to the other. Looking at Aziraphale the most. "So, what's the loophole? How come you two can be dating? One of you playing wife?"
"How dare-- You have no right to imply!"
"I'm not implying anything. I'm inferring that you are two poofters shacking up because I'm the poofter who used to be with one of you."
"Crowley, please... don't make this difficult." Of course he was, it was difficult and he wasn't helping. Sheepish and aware of Dallen's mounting anger, he shot his boyfriend an uneasy stare, then looked back at Crowley. He licked his lips and spoke loud. "We're not out... we 'court' and such." He knew he didn't have to clarify but he felt he had to. He hated it, the hiding, the courting, the way it had all evolve. On mission, they were allowed to be in their own world. Reality was harder.
"So you're cowards. Gotcha. Come on, mate, you're how fucking old? Just admit you like cock." Bill huffed as he turned away from these weirdos and moved back towards the duck. "Crowley, come on, stop wasting your time."
Aziraphale bit his lower lip and looked at Crowley, feeling the want that kept building up. His smart, wonderful, sweet darling. He had never been worthy of him and now, he felt it was worse than ever. He did not deserve Crowley.
"Dallen, darling, you're hurting me." Aziraphale pointed out, turning to give Dallen a pointed look. He was holding his arm too tight.
Crowley got it, what Bill was saying. And he also watched Aziraphale bite his lip and he wanted to get him away from that. Out of that oppression, somewhere far from that constant self-denial. "Come on, angel--"
He cut himself off when Aziraphale talked to Dallen, feeling two emotions crush into him at the same time. The worried anger over Aziraphale being hurt, the unfiltered hurt over hearing Aziraphale call someone by an affectionate nickname like that. Darling.
"We should leave," Dallen said with determination, squeezing Aziraphale's arm a little tighter before letting go and then moving forward. He pushed past Crowley, actually knocking him with his shoulder.
"Fuck off," Crowley suggested, lifting his glasses a litte. "You don't have to go with him, angel."
Aziraphale smiled sadly at Crowley and wished he could tell him all the things he felt. That he missed him, that he never wanted to leave him, that the decision had been fuelled by a desire to see Crowley live the life he deserved - Asiraphale was counter to that. He was a coward, scared and self loathing. All he wanted was to stay with Crowley but he knew he couldn't ever do that to him. Crowley deserved better and he, frankly, did not.
"I must be going. I'm getting 'fit'. It's all very -- very sporting." With a sad sigh, he turned and jogged after Dallen, hoping he wasn't too angry after this.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
no subject
"Even if he isn't over you, the way he dumped you? Fucking hell, I would wring his neck. Why the fuck would you want him back?"
Rolling his eyes, Bill kicked a nearby can ahead of them, turning around to kick it to Crowley like it was a football, trying to get him to engage a little with something more fun and playful.
"Look, as I was saying. Man U is playing so let's go to a pub together. A gay one. See if we can't get you a new boy."
no subject
So, yes, he was angry, but less with Aziraphale directly and more with the circumstances. "Anyway, it ain't even about getting him back and all that rubbish. I just want to know he's all right. And happy. Because I don't think he is. That bloke ain't right for him, that stupid American toerag."
He kicked the can back without really thinking about it. Friendship with Bill came with a lot of kicking of things, he was a lad like that. "What kind of new boy would I meet at a pub watching Man U?"
no subject
Bill kicked the can back, grinning at Crowley. "Yeah, yeah, I know, you fucking hate the new boyfriend - I heard about it but come on, there's no way to know that. They might be close. Might be mad about each other. The party was weird circumstances, you kinda rubbed some salt into wounds is all. No one likes meeting the ex."
So far, Dallen sounded fine. Bit a prick but then, who wasn't these days. "Come on, forget him and let's find you a bloke I can get on with. I could never make heads nor tails of what Aziraphale was saying to me." So it could only get better. For him.
no subject
He took Bill's upper arm and led him along. He was pretty sure he had spotted a certain shade of cream in the distance. The object of his interest might finally be coming. As he looked out at the lake to avoid alerting Bill to Aziraphale coming closer too early, he talked again. "What about Barty? You say there ain't one true love. What if he up and left you? Without warning. Just like that. You getting over it?"
no subject
That he knew for sure.
"Why are we feeding ducks? I ain't got nothing for the ducks." Bill pointed out as he patted himself down, turning his head to the side to see if there was any leftover food. Then he saw it too. The flash of cream. Then he heard a voice, off in the distance, and he felt it all adding up instantly.
"Dallen! Dallen, please! Slow down, I can't--"
Yeah, that was definitely Aziraphale, wheezing somewhere in the distance. Bill turned his head in time to see a very fit looking guy jogging along and Aziraphale, slowly flagging behind, looking utterly miserable. He sighed loudly. "Are you fucking kidding me, Crowley?"
no subject
"Is he jogging?!" He was only slowly making the connection here. "Why would he be jogging? What is wrong with-- That's not normal!"
He turned around, staring at him, while Dallen was also stopping, although he jogged in place and waited for Aziraphale.
"You are doing awesome, Aziraphale!"
"What a wanker. Just listen to that. Awesome." Mimicking him with a horrible American accent, Crowley shuddered exaggeratedly. "He's the worst."
no subject
"I'm really, really not. I have asthma and -- I prayed but it hasn't gone away. I would need an inhaler or--" Aziraphale bent double, struggling to breathe. It was kind of funny, seeing him in a t-shirt and jogging pants. That was strange. Thought they were still cream so he supposed right on aesthetic.
Bill snorted. Who thought taking that dork jogging was smart? "Man. He's jogging. He's wearing a t-shirt. That's so fucking weird."
Rolling his eyes, he gently tried to nudge Crowley away from the view. "Let's leave."
no subject
"He's making him suffer." Clearly. Aziraphale's face was so red by now. "Go over there, say hello."
He had to interfere somehow. "He is wearing a T-shirt. It's wrong."
Crowley made a move towards Aziraphale, a concerned look on his face. "I didn't know he'd be here," he hissed, "It's a coincidence. I just happen to like the ducks!"
They liked the ducks. They always came here. Didn't Aziraphale remember?
no subject
They were moving up the bank and Oh God, if he saw Crowley, they would yell and fight and he was trying so, so hard not to get into fights.
Aziraphale raised his sleeve to his face and tried to wipe the sweat again. "I suppose so, we should-- go again." He sounded so distraught and defeated. He didn't want to go again. He wanted to go home.
Bill, aware that Crowley was about to butt in, tried to shove them both behind a tree. "Don't make a scene." He hissed, desperate."
no subject
With that he stepped forward onto the path again, walking a few steps before 'spotting' Aziraphale. There was an airiness to his voice, he hoped. "Aziraphale? What a surprise."
Dallen turned to look at him. It was not a pleased look, which was quite something to get out of a trained missionary.
Crowley decided to act as if Dallen wasn't there. "Didn't know you jogged."
no subject
"Alright, mate." Bill nodded in greeting, looking very sympathetic. He waved a little at Dallen. "I'm Bill. Crowley's mate. We're just feeding ducks."
"Oh, I love the ducks." Aziraphale lamented, missing when the park was about ducks and not about exercise. He looked at Dallen sheepishly and then back to Crowley. "But I'm here for jogging, yes. We job. I have a fitbit." He held it up to show Crowley is misery.
no subject
"We should get going, Aziraphale. No need for conduct with outsiders." Dallen simply wanted to get away from these two. So obviously, ostentatiously gay, if he had to describe it. Hardly proper. Even if he sat aside his issues with Crowley.
"What if we wanted to get converted? I feel like I'm ready to hear about the good book." Crowley raised his eyebrows. "Seems to have done wonders for you two. Quite the lie to be living, looks fun."
no subject
He looked at Crowley and swallowed hard. He missed him so much. He didn't think seeing him again would restart such a painful longing but there it was. All he wanted to do was hug him, he could see the pain in his eyes.
"Is it true that you'll get your own planet if you do all of this shit for God?" Bill asked and he just sounded genuinely curious.
Aziraphale took a deep breath and looked away from Crowley and to Bill. "I-I see it as a metaphor. Like with most things in the bible. There are other schools of thought but... I mean, really, the book is just trying to motivate good behaviours, I suppose."
no subject
"As Aziraphale says, it is hardly meant to be taken so literally." Dallen rolled his eyes in annoyance and reached for Aziraphale's arm, pulling him closer. Holding him tightly. He didn't want him near Crowley. "Now, excuse us, we're not going to listen to some sinners mock our faith."
"Mock? Me? I'd never." Crowley assured them, looking from one to the other. Looking at Aziraphale the most. "So, what's the loophole? How come you two can be dating? One of you playing wife?"
"How dare-- You have no right to imply!"
"I'm not implying anything. I'm inferring that you are two poofters shacking up because I'm the poofter who used to be with one of you."
no subject
"So you're cowards. Gotcha. Come on, mate, you're how fucking old? Just admit you like cock." Bill huffed as he turned away from these weirdos and moved back towards the duck. "Crowley, come on, stop wasting your time."
Aziraphale bit his lower lip and looked at Crowley, feeling the want that kept building up. His smart, wonderful, sweet darling. He had never been worthy of him and now, he felt it was worse than ever. He did not deserve Crowley.
"Dallen, darling, you're hurting me." Aziraphale pointed out, turning to give Dallen a pointed look. He was holding his arm too tight.
no subject
He cut himself off when Aziraphale talked to Dallen, feeling two emotions crush into him at the same time. The worried anger over Aziraphale being hurt, the unfiltered hurt over hearing Aziraphale call someone by an affectionate nickname like that. Darling.
"We should leave," Dallen said with determination, squeezing Aziraphale's arm a little tighter before letting go and then moving forward. He pushed past Crowley, actually knocking him with his shoulder.
"Fuck off," Crowley suggested, lifting his glasses a litte. "You don't have to go with him, angel."
no subject
Aziraphale smiled sadly at Crowley and wished he could tell him all the things he felt. That he missed him, that he never wanted to leave him, that the decision had been fuelled by a desire to see Crowley live the life he deserved - Asiraphale was counter to that. He was a coward, scared and self loathing. All he wanted was to stay with Crowley but he knew he couldn't ever do that to him. Crowley deserved better and he, frankly, did not.
"I must be going. I'm getting 'fit'. It's all very -- very sporting." With a sad sigh, he turned and jogged after Dallen, hoping he wasn't too angry after this.