"Maybe you are asexual. Then you have a decent shot, I suppose. Otherwise this whole farce is nonsense. You are what you are. I'm not going to stop being gay, no matter how much I pray." And he didn't pray at all, when he could help it. He was a scientist, not an idiot. "Just tell them you want to marry a good woman and you'll be home soon enough."

Although Aziraphale did seem very gay. Painfully so. However, yes, who knew. He might be asexual.

Suddenly music could be heard - Queen, if Hartley was not mistaken, very much not Christian - and then there was the sound of a car. Black and sleek looking, it stopped close to their football field, causing all the boys to stop playing and stare, to pretend to know things about cars.

The car door opened and a boy got out, dressed in black with the tightest pair of trousers - were they leather?! - that Hartley had ever seen on anyone. He was wearing sunglasses and had long, dark red hair that was tied together.

"Oh. Wow." What else could there be said about that? Especially when the boy turned to get something that was attached to the roof of his car, turning to show his tightly leather-clad arse to all those repressed gay boys gaping at him. He had a snake tattoo curling around his biceps. This was insane. "What is this?"